A
male
age
51-59,
*edjpd
writes:Do I stay or go?My wife and I got married in April 2008 principally because she was pregnant - we had a daughter in september. Before we married we both lived in our own houses about 50km apart. After our marriage due to location of work etc I moved in with her. Our marriage has been turbulent to say the least and I have had to move out on at least 5 occassions. Every time we argue she throws up the same lines 'this is my house get out' and then goes on to slag off me and every member of my familiy. No matter what I try to do there is no pleasing her - I have been very supportive to her throughout the pregnancy and since our daughter was born. She has a very venemous temper and when she kicks off really lets go - when I react this only makes her worse - the outcome is always the same she states this is her house and demands that I leave - this leaves me know choice but to move back with my parents. She is currently on maternity leave but what she does all day is beyond me - the house is a tip - but guess who gets the blame despite doing the majority of the tidying up. She is paranoid about our daughter and even doesn't trust me with her at times.I think a lot of her problems stem from her living on her own for too long and having a school teacher mentality. I think also she is not over the death of her mother - she died over 4 years ago but she still goes to the graveyard everyday. They seem to have been unnaturaly close.She can be a very contrary person and has very few friends and is currently not talking to her brother and his family. I think she may be jealous that I get on well with all my family and have a large and loyal bunch of friends.After our latest row on sunday again I find myself living with my parents - we have been going to marriage counselling for the past month - but she has totaly ignored what was said - she feels she knows best.At this stage I have had enough and know that if it wasn't for our daughter I wouldn't even be contemplating trying to rescue this marriage. I worry for our 5 month old daughter and feel that she is being used as a pawn against me in all of this.What should I do?
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male
reader, redjpd +, writes (28 January 2009):
redjpd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Shellie - the love I had for my wife has almost been completely killed. Her constant pettyness and slagging off of me and my family is unbelieveable. I have tried to be a good husband & father - I have supported her in every possible way - I have let my work suffer by taking time off so that she can get out to get her hair done, go to dentist etc and do work in the evenings - all my spare time is spent giving her a break - I get no time of my own and rarely get to see my friends & family. I have had enough and know we can not go on like this - I think I have no choice but to move out permanently and get a legal agreement for access and maintenance to our daughter.
A
female
reader, shellie 2  +, writes (27 January 2009):
Hi There,
Trust me dont stop in a relationship like this for the sake of your child.I am 43 years old and my mum and dad stopped together till i left school,the arguments were upsetting i was forever in my bedroom as the atmosphere was terrible.Their relationship became violent.After they split up i left home as i wanted no more to do with them.I see them now but they caused me pain.A child knows when something is wrong from a very early age.If there is no love in a relationship its wright to stay with that person.Sorry if all i have said seems blunt and i know its gonna be tough for you but it seems that your partner is taken it for granted you wont leave for good.If you think you could still be in love with her then you need to talk to her see that she seeks help.Its not easy being on your own but you can still see your daughter.You can only regret what you dont do,hope it works out for you take care.x shellie
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