A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am completely and utterly in love with my boyfriend of 1 and a half years who is also my best friend.Three nights ago however, I got very, very drunk on a night out with a friend, so drunk that I can't remember the majority (apart from little flashback here and there) of the last 3-4 hours of the night. What I do remember is kissing a guy (who I then stopped) who got a taxi home with me. When I got home, I seemed to come to my senses, maybe the fact that I was back in a familiar environment 'woke me up'. As soon as I realised what was going on I told this guy he would have to go, I called him a cab and told him I had a boyfriend and that shouldnt have happened etc. Nopthing else happened apart from the kiss in the cab I'm sure of it.The problem is, I am now feeling unbelievably guilty and literally sick to the stomach. I haven't been able to sleep and am waking up every hour because of the guilt. Should I tell him or will that make matters worse. If it wasn't for the alcohol there is no way in the world that this would have happened.
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best friend, drunk, kissing Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (2 June 2009):
 To female anon, if you think I was heavy handed with this post, you should read some of my other answers!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): Whoa, whoa, whoa! To the female anonomous below- would you really be saying that if you saw your partner and love of your life kissing another in a taxi back to his home? Also- think abou the rule prostitutes sometimes adopt where they will do anything BUT kiss. It's a very intimate activity!
To the op- I agree that you have to tell him, or this will eat away at you at you will never quite have that 100% faith and security in your relationship- no matter how long you wait out the guilt. He will sense that. But primarily, you should respect him enough to know that you Cannot lie to him about anything- let alone something this critical.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): hey everyone. we have been really heavy handed here - for just one apparent kiss this person had in a drunken stupor. we give soothing, understanding, comforting advise to others who have done so much worst than just kiss. we condone sometimes despicable behaviour, all in the name of love. i asked whether she was sure it was only a kiss and nothing more which came back as confirmed. so, perhaps we are all making a mountain out of just 1 kiss??
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A
female
reader, Katy. +, writes (1 June 2009):
 If you don't tell him then the feeling you have now will never go away whilst you're with him, if you tell him, after that long I'm sure he'll understand and appriciate that you stopped yourself even in the state of mind you was in. Let him know it will never happen again as now you are aware of the consequences, think of it the other way around, you'd appriciate him telling you, wouldn't you? He deserves your respect whether it was only a little drunken kiss nevermind if it went further. But after that there's not alot more you can do.
Good luck.
Katy x
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A
female
reader, Rihannax  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Iv been in thi situation many times...but you have to ask yourself are you happy with ur boyfriend?If your arent then thats why, your looking for a way out but you dont know it yet. If you are, then it was just a drunken thing, your boyfriend wasnt there, can make people feel kind of lonely and want some attention. It depends how understanding your bf is, if you think itl ruin ur relationship, even if he does forgive you he will still act off and make things harder for you. He may also wonder wt you get up to wen ur next drunk. If there is no way of him finding out otherthan you saying it to him, then dont tell him. He will hold it against you, just let yourself no that it was a mistake and shouldnt of happend and wont again. Try to forget you done it, trust me it will die down, just show your bf more attention. hope this helps x
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (1 June 2009):
Alcohol doesn't make you cheat, it just makes it easier to cheat! Therefore you probably would have done this sooner or later and you are likely to do it again.
You need to look at yourself and the real reasons why you chose to kiss this other guy, and then when you have stopped blaming the drink and can see the real reason, you can decide if you should tell him or not.
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (1 June 2009):
 It's reasons like this why people become teetotal.
Why do you need to drink so much that you can't remember what happened? Is this going to happen the next time you get drunk? And the time after that?
If this is what you do when you are drunk, then you need to seriously consider whether alcohol has any part in your future. Otherwise, you're going to hurt your boyfriend big time.
Don't tell him, forget it and move on. And count it as a lesson learnt - don't put yourself in that situation again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Guilt is there for a reason.No matter the consequences, you will feel better coming clean. Not to mention, it will keep you from sneaking around in the future.Explain to your boyfriend, it is NOT him. Do not let him think he is inadequite so you kissed someone else, be very sincere and let him know it was YOUR mistake.One rule my boyfriend and I have, is to not "put ourselves in the position".THough we both trust eachother not to cheat, there is no chance [such as this] if you just avoid the position beforehand. If you are drinking while your boyfriend isn't there, limit yourself to half the number of drinks as normal.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): It was one lously kiss. Leave it be. You only want to tell him because you want the guilt to go away, all your be doing is putting your b/f through hell for nothing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): In response to;
A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009):
are you very certain it was ONLY a kiss. if you were motherless drunk you may have compromised yourself a little more than you remember. therefore the guilt??
* I am certain it was just a kiss and nothing more. We had a kiss in the cab home but when I got home I immediately made him leave.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): You have no choice. You must tell your boyfriend. You cheated (but on a scale of 1 to 10, about a 2), and he has every right to know and decide what to do with the relationship. If you don't tell him, you are living a lie with him and I would hope your relationship fails so it wouldn't continue as a big lie. If he loves you, he will forgive you since it was only a 2 (kissing), but he may want you to promise never to drink again unless he is with you so this doesn't happen again.
My wife has never cheated on me, and if she goes out with friends, she only has 2 drinks max. I know she flirts, she's even flirted in front of me, that is normal human nature, but with your bf not being there, you see what happened. Be gratefull you came to your 'senses' and didn't go any further, that would be a relationship killer.
Just come clean with your boyfriend, blame the drinking, and promise not to ever get drunk again unless you're with him (or never again, you can drink for fun and stop before you're wasted out drunk).
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Kay-graham-xx +, writes (1 June 2009):
Dont tell him, what he doesn't know can't hurt him. You could lose him if you tell him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): are you very certain it was ONLY a kiss. if you were motherless drunk you may have compromised yourself a little more than you remember. therefore the guilt??
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (1 June 2009):
 you definately need to tell him i mean you'll make yourself ill if you don't tell him.
i mean he'll be really p****d off of course i mean who wouldn't but if you try and explain what had happend maybe he'll come around to it i mean if he completely trusts you that nothing else happend and you wouldn't do that as sober then it'll all work out.
but you really do need to tell him because otherwise it'll eat you up inside.
Hope this helps.
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