A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, please help me find some kind of relief from this. I am beyond stressed right now. About a week ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of five years. I felt it was the best thing for me to do because I had issues with him not being able to commit to me completely. That meaning, he couldn't really see himself getting married or having children...something I have always seen myself doing for as long as I could remember. He also doesn't seem to think enough about making future plans as far as career and financially. I, on the other hand, plan for EVERYTHING. For the last two of the five years, we always argued and I think my anger stemmed from this and I found myself resenting him in a way. We're both 25, am I supposed to be his lifetime girlfriend? Ever since I realized our relationship was going virtually nowhere, I'm sad to admit that I wasn't putting my all in "us" anymore. Before that, he was pretty much my world and that's why this hurts so much. I felt I was being unfair to him, misleading him and making him believe I was still as in love with him as he was in me. He is such a good man, he was sweet and caring and despite a few things that got on my nerves, he was my soulmate. I mean, what couple doesn't have problems? I'm hoping I didn't make a mistake and watching how this hurts him so, breaks my heart to the core:( I need to know if there is anyway we could have got around this? He wants to get back together so bad and he's trying everything, pulling out all the stops to get me to change my mind but I can't. I can't help feeling how I feel and I know if I did go back to him, I'd feel like a prisoner from my dreams once again. Maybe this isn't the best thing to do but I still answer his calls and just today, he asked if he could come see me. We've already went through the exchange of each other's belongings so I already know why he wants to come over. I was hesitant with my answer and told him I'd let him know. What do you think I should say? I'm sorry this is so long but the Agony Aunts and Uncles at DearCupid have always helped me a great deal before and it also helps that I'm typing this to vent. Thanks in advance for all who respond.
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female
reader, laura585 +, writes (30 June 2009):
Be strong, you know deep down in your heart that you made the right choice. When you start second guessing your intuition the choices you make are not what you really want. I know your ex is hurting and so are you, its hard to be the "bad guy" but you cant go back to something you KNOW you dont want. It wouldnt make any sense and if he does convince you to get back with him eventually you build up resentment for him. Possibly resenting yourself too, because you will know that you made the right choice and then turned around and made a wrong choice. If he's not giving you all you want out of a relationship then you need to find someone who will. Or better yet, heal yourself (5 yrs is a long time) before you start looking for Mr. Perfect. It will be hard but eventually you will both realize that you can make a happy (probably happier) life without each other.
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (30 June 2009):
Be strong, you know deep down in your heart that you made the right choice. When you start second guessing your intuition the choices you make are not what you really want. I know your ex is hurting and so are you, its hard to be the "bad guy" but you cant go back to something you KNOW you dont want. It wouldnt make any sense and if he does convince you to get back with him eventually you build up resentment for him. Possibly resenting yourself too, because you will know that you made the right choice and then turned around and made a wrong choice. If he's not giving you all you want out of a relationship then you need to find someone who will. Or better yet, heal yourself (5 yrs is a long time) before you start looking for Mr. Perfect. It will be hard but eventually you will both realize that you can make a happy (probably happier) life without each other.
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