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If I don't call her she calls me, missing me - and if I call her she is mean and hateful. We're apart now as she needed a pause, what can I do?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 March 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 23 March 2008)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

ok me and my ex girl friend have been broke up for about 2 months we are still in love she just wanted to get a teenage life out of her system because she never had one when she was a teenager she had to cook clean be the mom her parents werent really there for her because of drug addiction... anyways i was the only one she'd ever had to help her through all this. well her parents are clean now and her mom talked her into being single enjoying life be a teenager because it will make her a better person and that way she will be 100% ready to marry me with no regrets

my girl says that she would rather get it out of her system now then to go out when we are married and have fun. while i'm at home with the kids she said its just not right because i want to be the best wife in the world to you

well we talk every now and then and she called me the other day crying because she missed me so much

but here's the thing if i don't call her she calls me missing me crying and very emotional... but if i call her she's mean, hateful, doesnt want to talk to me, says we were a mistake. then i wont call her for a couple days and she will call me crying apologizing missing me again. is this girl just torn between me and a teenage life.... and that makes her absolutely go crazy being away from me to where she forgets all about her teenage life or should i let her get it out of her system ?

i just miss her a lot and it sucks being without her. what can i do to make her miss me more than she already does. should i be mean to her when she calls crying ? i'm scared i may loose her for good that way - or should i not answer ? i need all the help i can get because i can't just give up and walk away - she says she's coming back to me it's just a matter of time but i don't want to be ran over either any advise will help a lot thanks

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008):

Well she is walking all over you and you are letting her. You MUST take control of this situation once and for all. It is a shame that you don't want to just give up and walk away but if what you want is for her to miss you then that is exactly what you have to do, give up and walk away. Put your foot down cause enough is enough. She treats you like crap everytime you call her cause she knows she can get away with it so stop calling her! And not only stop calling her but be STRONG about what you will tolerate from her. Cause if I had a boyfriend who told me he wanted to date other people, you better believe there is no way in hell I am going to sit there and listen to his crying when he needs someone to talk to. If she wants to date other people she should call these other guys, not you, when she needs someone to cry to. And if I called him and he treated me like crap you better believe I will never call him again.

So she wants to be young and date other people? Act cool about it. Say "fine, no problem" and then you yourself start going out with your friends and meeting girls, having fun and being happy. And completely avoid her. Why do you feel like you still have to be there for her if she is not even all into this relationship?? Is it cause you think that she might change her mind? Well I promise you she is not going to change her mind until she feels like she's lost you. So everytime she calls you crying, tell her that you are busy and its a really bad time and that you'll call her back. And play it by ear if you call her back or not. Hopefully you won't. But you must move on and try to get over her. And you have got to stop being there for her.

She knows what she is doing is wrong but she does it cause you accept it. So if you make her feel like she's lost you, I guarantee you she might come around.

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