A
female
age
22-25,
bleedinglove
writes:My boyfriend and I have just broke up after a year and a half of being together. During that time that we were together we endured a lot. When we first got together, a couple days after we officialized our relationship, my dad and step mom start arguing and she ends up leaving with my baby brothers and disappears for a whole 8 months straight without any word, she comes back after 8 months of no word with a divorce statement. Within that time that she was away i didnt really focus that much on my dad because he was dating other ladies and i was busy with my relationship. There were times when i would become very depressed and started to cut myself beacuse of the pain that i was too much inside. Within that year my grandfather (moms dad) passed away and that was when i saw my real mom after 5 years of no contact or seeing. Also, just 4 months ago, my dad ends up kicking me out of my own house because of some mis-understanding due to family drama. As all this was happening i was in a state of euphoria, i guess, cuz nothing mattered. i had my bf to help support me and be there for me. things slowly started to go down hill and fast! we started fighting a lot more, he started blaming me for my emotional wounds and how he would never be able to be enough for me. he would tell me things like he "gives me all his time" and how he has no time to spend for himself. when i would open up to him about how everything is just so much to handle, he would tell me, "you need help. go see therapy" or "we need to go see someone" and that would be his only remedy. i mean i am open wheni am ready but i dont fele like i am ready to open up to see a therapist about my problems quite yet. its too soon. i guess my question would be why would a guy like this who gave so much hope for me leave me at a time when i needed someone there? i'm just left really hurt and trying to cope along with trying to find different remedies to be happy. this guy hasnt called me ever since we last spoke to break up. why wouldn't he be calling? coming back to me? if he really loved me why wouldn't he come and fight for me? why is he so quick to put this relationship "in the past" and "move on" so quickly??
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (17 May 2008):
 He can't help you because you need more than what he can give you and he's right- you do need to get therapy if you are cutting yourself. It's not your boyfriend's job to heal you and it's not his job to go to therapy with you. This is way too much responsibility for a young guy who should be enjoying life! This has nothing to do with how strong he is or how much he loves you. The guy is strong enough to realize what's best for you and what's in your best interests! I think that's pretty healthy. It sounds like he was willing to be "supportive" of your therapy but you wanted to rely completely on him and that's not fair or even constructive. Go get the help you need so you can be an asset and a complement to someone else's life, okay? Take care.
A
female
reader, DiovanLestat  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Because you treated him like a doctor rather than a lover. It was all about You, You, You... Not in a selfish way, cause you were going through a lot and needed a lot of attention and support. You used him like a life belt, you covered yourself up his love and took more and more and more.
He asked you to go to therapy, he asked you to get some help. He was really trying to tell you that he couldn't cope, he was finding it hard playing second fiddle to the problems and drama of your life. No blame, no accusation. Unfortunately he just wasn't strong enough, he couldn't cope. He left because he wanted and needed a girlfriend who is healthy and happy. You cut yourself, you refuse to go to a therapist. He left so you would be alone and possibly get the help you so obviously need.
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