A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I first met my fiance about 9 years ago (she was 25, and fairly recently divorced). At the time, she was absolutely crazy about me, but I broke it off after a couple years. She was very hurt by this, and she wanted to get back with me for a couple years.We got back together again about 2 years ago. She had several relationships during the 5 years we were apart. She says she had developed very strong feelings for a couple of these guys, but none of these relationships worked out for her, and she was very hurt by a couple of the guys. She told me she lost all feelings for me during this time.Since we got back together, it is my impression that her feelings for me are not nearly as strong as they used to be. She wants to get married, but now I'm the one who's wishing she had more feelings for me.My sense is that I used to be "the one" for her, but she now seems to see me more as one man in a series of relationships.If a woman breaks up with a guy and loses all feelings for him, then has several relatively intense new relationships, can she ever get the old feelings back? i.e. do women tend to start seeing any given man as not being quite so "special" any more, and not develop the same strong feelings as they used to have in situations such as this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): OP again. Thanks again for the answers. The situation mentioned by the married guy involving a 2 year time period of being apart sounds like it might be somewhat similar to my situation.
The relationships my fiance had before we met don't bother me all that much, but the ones after we met do for some reason. She certainly wasn't cheating on me, and I was the one who broke up with her. Still, the reality is that she's "proven" that she can get over me and move on. This somehow creates a different dynamic in a relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): i can only give you the history in my live i met and dated my wife we broke up and got back just under a 2 year time period apart. during the time she was apart from me she was seeing 6,or 8 guys that she was f***ing we got back together and over the years she does not seem to have as strong of feelings as i wish she did for me , and it hurts. she has been faithful , but i am left with a feeling of not being as special as i would like to be to be in her heart. i feel the other guys she was with has taken away alot of the closeness that should be between us over the years.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): OP here. Thanks for the responses.
I realize it was a very general question. I've started to think she wouldn't be as intense with anyone now that she's 9 years older and she's been through a series of relationships.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): I don't think she will see you the same way anymore. Things have happened in between. Things have changed. she now has more that place you in a different perspective. She can't go back to before she had those experiences, as if erasing them from her memory.
maybe she will develop new and different feelings for you if your relationship changes. That's still a possibility. but I don't think you can go back to the way things were before you broke up. Try to move forward, not backward.
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