A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I gt talking to a girl a couple of weeks ago from a dating site (plentyoffish.com). She said she was just looking for dating, nothing else. We messaged and texted for a couple days until I mentioned 'girlfriend' in a message. (I'd like to date instead of having a full-time gf!). She misunderstood (I did put girlfriend, but meaning more of a girl friend). (Let me just say, by this stage she's said in a message, she wants to teach me everything from kissing upwards!)We were due to meet on the Sat after, but she said she couldn't because she had to work (maybe this was true, or maybe it was just an excuse to not come as she thought I wanted to be her bf) I waited, then I rang her, finally leaving a message on her voicemail, and then texting her, basically to talk and explain.I must admit I did text her a little too much, but it was only because I wanted to explain.I messaged her again apologizing and saying that I was going way too fast for her and I realize hat now; please can we still be friends.She wouldnt take that thoughI'd really like to go out on dates with herAny advice?One more question. Is there a difference between looking for a relationship and just dating?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf the shoe was on the other foot, I'd want them to try and explain; I wouldn't just not answer my phone! What would you do in that situation?
Anyway, there are better girls out there and not so petty!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 These are all good questions.
Maybe this girl is just not a grown up! Or she's confused or just not ready for any kind of relationship, casual dating or otherwise. Who knows, one thing you know for certain is that she is not worth worrying about. It's not you, it's her, so to speak.
At least you didn't invest too much of yourself into this girl, and waste too much time on her, right?
So chin high, off to the next fish, and hope this one has some maturity. Sounds like you've already moved on, good for you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn my view, anyone who desn't want me for who I am, or doesn't want me full stop is missing out - then when I am going ouit with someone, haha to them!One question though, when I called her my girlfriend by mistake, why couldn't she just be a grown-up and let me explain on the phone and not ignore me?Actually, more!Why do some women change their mind as often as they change their clothes? And when a woman specifies something in a dating profile, why do they change their mind sometimes?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 May 2008):
I think you're going to have to accept that she's not interested in going on a date with you, if she hasn't responded to your texts and voicemails. It could be that you did a little too much texting and trying to contact her, and that put her off, or that she was genuiunely confused by the 'girlfriend' comment you made. At any rate, you may never know, so don't spend too much time worrying about it. (Remember the name of the web site, plenty of fish!)
As far as being just friends with her, I think that's probably not going to happen now, if she said she 'wouldn't take that.' Again, don't take it personally, she doesn't really know you, after all, if you've never met up in person.
To answer your last question, I think there is a difference between looking for a relationship and just dating. It's probably just semantics, but I think a 'relationship' in this context means that you are only seeing each other. 'Just dating' I think means that you are not in any exclusive relationship. 'Just dating' may lead to an exclusive relationship, if both parties are interested and agree to it.
If you're not looking for a girlfriend, and just want to date different people, then maybe you should avoid using th word 'girlfriend' too early before you've met a date in person, so that she doesn't get the wrong idea. Think of it as a learning experience, don't let it ding your self-confidence, and move on to the next 'fish!' ;D
All the best in finding some new dates!
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