A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would like to know at what point I should tell dates that I have M.E/CFS? I am on a few on-line dating sites and I'm not sure whether I should put it on my profile. The problem is that although I can just about hold down a full time job, my social life/ability to pursue hobbies has more or less dried up to nothing due to the illness. The girl I was 4 years ago was full of energy, going out most nights of the week and thoroughly enjoying herself. Although I'm generally content and happy, I am sure people would find me very boring as I'm not able to be as high energy as I was. If I spend long periods of time doing things, I will pay for it later, so I've been on courses to help with the symptoms and learnt things such as pacing. Most people have no idea I have ME because I don't make a fuss and hide it well. I feel awkward when men on-line ask me what my hobbies are, as I don't have that many. I rarely go out outside of work these days. What do you guys think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): I think you should be completely upfront about this! It's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, and it doesn't make you less adorable, beautiful, or fun! I think it's actually a strong point - people should admire you for being able to live a normal life with a condition that is potentially debilitating!
Also, it's totally normal for people in their 30s to slow down a bit from their 20s. Honestly, if you find a guy who is committed to a career, or to other goals in his life, you'll often find that instead of wanting to go clubbing all the time, he actually WANTS to have evenings off, to work on stuff at home, or to do lower-key activities during the week. You have to trust people to be reasonable here - and if they're not, well that's their loss, not your problem!
Good luck, and hope you can feel better soon.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): Hi I have had CFS and have had a long journey to figure out my health, some of the things that helped enormously were probiotics, fresh vege juices and fermented foods like saurkraut (homemade) and stock from a whole chicken or red meat on the bone simmered for several hours 24 hours is best. These help you absorb minerals and fix the stomach.I hope this helps, if you can start here then you will be in a slightly better place to have a relationship and there is bound to be someone who does not want a crazy social life! You are just fine as you are.
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A
female
reader, Juliet  +, writes (29 September 2011):
Hi,What if somewhere out there is a lovely guy who also has M.E/CFS and is looking for someone like you my dear? :)Someone who understands, who gets what its like to have M.E and CFS and who would cherish you? Someone you could cuddle up too and relax with after work? ;) Consider it because Im guessing he IS out there!!Apparently over a million Americans suffer from M.E/CFS so the odds arent too bad! :) Plus we havent even considered those individuals in Europe!So I'd suggest being honest and putting it up on your profiles. Let the world know. Its says more about you than if you were to just leave out the comments about being a party girl who loves to socialise bla bla..which men generally think is incredibly unoriginal to say anyway! (Ive consulted a few for you!)Do what you did here, outline that you DO have a job, and that you ARE trying to lead a normal life, but that for you, your life has to be a laid-back one... a cosy one, full of relaxation and not adrenaline after work. Just think about how hard some people work and consider that not every guy is going to want a mad party girl who goes out most nights of the week. (especially if you're married with kids one day, lol)And you can have hobbies... some that are really interesting. Ive looked up 'CFS hobbies' for you, and here is just one website.http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/173560/hobbies_for_chronic_fatigue_syndrome.htmlI hope this helps!All the best.X
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