A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My best friend has been in a relationship for 2 years. Without getting into detail of their extremely rocky past, her and her boyfriend have again had some major issues of trust. However, their most recent argument resulted in throwing objects and my friend being thrown with bruises, scratches and hitting her head. Regardless of cheating, lying, and now this, she will not leave him. You would expect her to be a strong, independent girl with her being extremely attractive, already in graduate school and from an upper class family. They might break up for a few days or fight, but even after this last incident, she continues to stay. It is killing me to watch this and she constantly comes to me for advice. I try to give her my honest opinion, without being forceful or overbearing, but nothing works. I worry that she is ruining her life. What am I supposed to do at this point?
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male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (19 August 2007):
Everybody is pretty much right here. She's like those women you see on talkshows and call them insane for staying with guys like this. She should see a counselor or a therapist. I like the ideas that were brought forth to talk to a cop or talk to her family. Do both, but in the end she'll have to be the one to report it unless someone else sees it in action.
A
female
reader, skye  +, writes (19 August 2007):
 You cant do anything more Im afraid. You can only do your best and you are already doing that. Your friend is an adult who makes her own choices. Unfortunately for you as Im sure you just want her to run as far away from this abusive relationship as she can.
When she comes to you for advice simply tell her to leave him. Remind her of the carefree days she used to have before she became involved in this destructive relationship. Ask her whether she would like to return to that feeling then show her how. Go to your local library, CAB centre, doctors surgery, hospital A&E department or community centre and collect information on domestic abuse. Show her how she is not alone and what support is available to her.
Remind her that she will always have you to come to when she decides to leave, for support and help. Tell her that she doesnt deserve this treatment and there are many decent men out there who would never dream of striking her. Advise her to leave as soon as she can for you hate seeing her suffer in this way. Offer to report his physical abuse to the police with her. She must be the one to lay charges against him, you cannot do it for her. She could simply deny them and cover up for her boyfriend should you try.
Im sure you have done all these things before, but Im afraid until she makes this decision for herself there is nothing else you can do.
Take care and best wishes,
Skye
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): There is nothing you can do, except be there for her & tell her honestly how you really feel about this guy. Tell her the way you & others see it. I am sure she sees herself & the situation completley different than others do & unless you're upfront & honest about everything, she'll never know. Does her family know about what is going on? Maybe you could send them an anonoymous letter if they don't know?? If she won't leave him now, I am afraid it is going to take a very extreme situation for her to wake the hell up & realize she should walk away from the abuse. For me it took a broken bone! For a friend of mine it took her child's father kicking a bucket & it almost hitting thier newborn baby in the head. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Charlie84 +, writes (19 August 2007):
You stand by her and you get the point across that abusive relationship are first of all WRONG and they will never get better even with time. Whether its being verbally abusive or physically you can not expect to change the person into something you wish they would be. Ultimately, she may frown upon you doing this at first but thank you later, is you call the police on him when it happens. She may or may not press charges in the only thing.
From what I've witnessed and heard from friends and just random people I've known is that they always forgive the person expecting them to change, but they honestly never will. You can't expect to change something minor in a person to make a relationship work and you certainly can't change this attribute of a person. In the end all you can do is show her the signs or get her some counseling so she can see the true side of things. It's up to her to take action whether it'd be to leave him or press charges the next time he does it. Honestly I would say pressing charges would be the best way so that he can learn his lesson and possibly, doubtful though, not do this to another innocent person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): you should seek advice from the proper authorities buddy the police or maybe a helpline
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