A
male
age
41-50,
*acin350's
writes:I need to know the truth I have made an honest mistake and me and my girlfriend are very understanding about it, but at the same time she has come up with other ideas in her head. She says that she needs a little space and time to think I am trying very hard to give it to her but it is so hard not being with her. When a woman ask for space and time is this really what she needs or is it pretty much over Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Butterflyfly  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 In my experience when i tell a guy i need space it's either because:
1. i have outgrown him
2. i am confused about my feelings
3. i am not too sure about being with him
4. i met someone else and i'm more interested in purusing that chase rather that settling/committing to him.
5. the guy has really hurt me and i have to come around to understanding what i want out of the relationship.
then , if it's number 1, i let the guy know soon what are my true feelings, cos it's easier on both parts, especially for me since i dont have feelings for him anymore.
if it's number 2, i DEFINATELY LET HIM KNOW I AM CONFUSED ABOUT MY FEELINGS, and hope he will stick around for a while for me to sort myself out, so i'm looking for a vote of confidence from him. BUt for that to work i definately let him know i am confused about my feelings.
if it's number 3, well... there is not muchthe guy can do. he can ask for reasons, in which case i will eventually give them to him.but i wont give explanations unless he shows he is interested in hearing them.
if it's number 4, then i'm really a biatch but i dont care , i am taken by the other guy/girl. in which case, if this guy is stilla sking for answers, i will have to put a stop on it and tell him straight, tell it like it is.
if it's number 5, i will let him know what are the reasons for my needing space. if he is truly there for me he would reassure me and work together with me and give me the space.
i think you stil stand a chance, but a must is to clear up all the air between you two. let her know how you feel and where you trulystand and dont allow for missunderstandings.that would make the whole process a lot quicker. if she wants to be with you she will reassure you about her reasons too.
hope this helps.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 August 2007):
 You don't say in your post why she needs space - like what have you done? It doesn't necessarily mean a relationship is doomed and she may indeed need time to reason things out. All I can say is that you can never control another person so you just have to respect her wishes and give her the space she asks for. If she comes back then it will be on her own terms but if she drifts away then there was nothing you could have personally done to change things. It maybe a lonely time for you at the moment but you just have to be patient.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 August 2007):
 When a woman asks for space, you're almost always doomed. Give her that, and maybe, just maybe, she will come back to you. In the meantime, don't get desperate, and try to find things to do that will prevent you from thinking of her. There is nothing you can do but stay away.
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A
female
reader, skye +, writes (19 August 2007):
 Well going from the little information that you have provided, I think you should give your girlfriend the time and space she has requested.
You say that she was very understanding about your mistake but has asked for some time to herself. All you can do is give it to her.
Write her a letter and tell her how very sorry you are for what has happened and assure her of your love. Remind her that it was an honest mistake and it will not be repeated. Do whatever you have to, to help her believe you. Tell her that she can have all the time she needs by herself but that she is worth fighting for and that you miss her desperately and would appreciate knowing her decision on your relationship whatever it may be. Do not give her an ultimatum or a timescale. Allow her to come to you.
From your post it sounds like you where the one at fault so you will have a lot of ground to make up. Start by giving her what she has asked for and hopefully she will return to you.
Good luck,
Skye
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