A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend a yr ago when he was still with his ex girlfriend. We were friends through his work - and nothing happened between us until after he broke up with his ex. He had said their relationship wasn't going well at the time and they were more like friends. We got together almost straight away as there was a lot of chemistry and tension between us. He told me after that he took a lot of time before this to consider getting together with me as I was a client. He said it would be something he could only do once as he would like to maintain his reputation as being professional. But he said he thought that I was special. One year on and we are going strong, we talk about the future etc. but I'm concerned that he will do to me what he did to his ex. That he will allow himself to fall for another girl behind my back, and break up with me to be with her. He told me once (when I was upset about something and needing a bit of reassurance) that he was a 'safe' guy, that he wasn't going anywhere and that I could trust him. A plus is that he had refused to kiss me when I asked him to because at the time he was still with his ex. He said he wouldn't do that to her because she was a nice girl - so he didn't give in to temptation and cheat on her with me.
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (6 October 2013):
 He didn't cheat on his ex with you, this man has standards and morals.
The relationship just got stale and had run it's course.
You just happened to be in the right place at the right time.
He has given you no cause to doubt him and you say your both happy.
Your feeling insecure but I can't see any reason why you should be.
Maybe you've been betrayed in the past and you're projecting that fear onto this relationship because it's so special, I don't know I'm only guessing.
Your relationship appears to be on track but if you feel this concerned then tell him about your fears of history repeating itself and let him reassure you.
I wish you well and hope this helps AB x
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 October 2013):
 He broke up with her because the relationship got boring. Most relationships get boring. Hopefully few years later he is ready to settle down with one person. Not that family and kids are able to stop a man from leaving when it gets boring. You have to learn how to keep things fresh and be equally active in the relationship.
I think what hurts us most is insisting that the relationship has to stay even when the partners are not feeling it. Certainly kids do better with two parents (I assume marriage and kids are what you want). When we stay in a bad relationship it hurts us even more to pretend and play happy families.
He said she's nice girl so he couldn't hurt her like that. Did that imply if she's a slut then he would have no problems hurting her with cheating? Oh, would I dare to go one step further and suggest nice girls are boring and therefore the relationship died? Didn't all relationships start with chemistry and tension then fizzle out with just friends? Too many assumptions here but couldn't help it.
Being a nice girl only protects you from bad treatment but doesn't mean you are immune to boredom in relationships. I think if you are with an older man then you will have less of these worries.
With you decide to be in a relationship with him then you have to try your best to drop these worries otherwise you have no relationship. Be nice but not too nice. Be vulnerable but at the same time maintain that inner bitch.
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