A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and he was an ex drug user. he lived in Puerto Rico at the time. i tried living out there for a while but it did not go anywere so i decided to come back to new york with him we found an apartment with him then he got this real good job. ever since he landed this job he has been hanging out with new friends and he also recently confessed that he cheated on me he says that i drew him away because i was always jealous and after i said i'll forgive him, i woke up the next morning hating him for what he had done. i threw him out of the house and i feel bad know i dont know what to do?
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (10 November 2008):
 I would say it is a warning sign if someone says anything like "you drove me to" do whatever that is bad, like cheating on you, abuse you or something like that. To me that sounds like not taking responsible for your own actions but blaiming someone else instead. That would sure have driven me mad as h**l too.
It must feel confusing though, when he is changing like this, seemingly trying to shut you out from his new life. If I were you i would have wanted some time on my own too to figure this situation out, and then I would have needed to have a long talk with him about what both want out of each others and the present life situation. And when you feel bad about kicking him out, remember that it was him doing something quite bad to you, and why wouldn't you react with confusion? If you still feel confused, wait another day or so and think it over, then talk to him and tell him how you really feel. Don't say you will forgive him until you feel for sure that you can.
If you two love each others and find a way back to be happy again, then that would be great, but never let anybody make you think YOU are responsible for THEIR bad behaviour. Because you're not.
Best wishes!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): He sounds quite shallow, distancing himself from you as soon as things looked up for him. I think you did the right thing in throwing him out. Tell yourself you are worth better treatment than this and find someone who treats you right.
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