A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My early education till getting an engineering diploma was basically in an all boys education establishment. I guess that makes me very shy and clueless when it comes to the ladies. So far at my age of 21, I only asked a girl twice and got asked out by a few of my crushes which was pretty flattering to me.A recent date, she was really stunning and we just went for dinner. I wanted to hold her hand but was too shy to do so. Our convo topics were pretty repetitive and nothing physical happened. I can't seem to break the physical barrier. I don't think it is going work out and I am going to be lonely..
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female
reader, FoxyBodhisattva +, writes (13 May 2013):
Whoa nelly there anonymous respondent! There is a variety of different types of women out there. There is nothing wrong with shy guys. When a woman says no, do not be pushy, no means no. Also, not all women need to be dominated to feel secure. Phew! Be yourself and do what you love. Hopefully doing what you love puts you in social situations where you can meet women. Within these settings you will be surrounded by like minded individuals and that makes it much easier to strike up a meaningful conversation. An example: say you have a hobby like...er...flying model planes. Join a community group or go to a convention on model planes (just an example). There you will meet other people who enjoy the same thing. You will have plenty to talk about, you will feel more confident and you will be more comfortable to make a move. Also, if your not a big drinker and you meet a woman at a bar, be aware that she may have a raging alcohol abuse problem. Lol.Don't be afraid to talk to the ladies, we are a lot like men in more ways than they'd like to accept. True, lots of women prefer the man to make the first move, but it's not because of pre-existing gender norms, but more due to the fact that women are just as afraid of rejection as men are. Your best bet is to treat every girl you meet like one of the guys at first. Be aloof, but not hard to get. Whenever you feel a lack of confidence around a woman, remind yourself that women are just as gross if not grosser than men in the bathroom. You'll do fine, just the fact that you have consulted an anonymous dating advice web site shows me that you've got the drive to seek a relationship and that you've got the skills to express yourself. Good hunting!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): don't worry. Boys who went to school with girls are as clueless as you. They may not be as shy as you, but trust me they don't know anything about real life.
Just remember this and you will be fine. Girls like boys who are:
- not shy! she wants to do things but she is shy as well. she expects the boy to initiate things.
- persistent. she likes to say no, just to see if you give up or not.
- dominant. she wants to feel secure with you. if she trusts that you can take control of her, she will feel secure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): At your age, it's not unusual to be shy. If you didn't date in your teens, you have some catching up to do. You just have to trust your instincts and push past the shyness. All conversations start with hello.
You can let shyness cut you off from getting to know the girls that like you, or you can take the chance and try to be a little more outgoing. If you like girls who are outgoing, they will open you up. They know how to put you at ease and make you talk.
When you aren't the kind of guy who can carry on a conversation; I'm sad to say, you're in for a pretty boring date. You're so self-conscious that your fear of being awkward makes you awkward.
You need to hang around with other guys and watch how they approach girls, and create your own style.
What kind of advice can we give you, if you're just going to freeze up the minute you're with a girl?
You just have to jump in with both feet. Get used to dating, and learn from your mistakes. That's how it's done.
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