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female
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anonymous
writes: 2 nights ago, my boyfriend of 15 months wanted sex and I wasnt in the mood. After pestering me for some time and not getting anywhere, he went to the toilet and relieved himself. Should I be worried? I dont know what to do.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 I think, in general but not always, women tend to have the position of power in deciding if sex is going to happen. IF men had the power, it would be a disaster as they would probably be doing all the time. That's just the way it works, natures idea of a bad joke. I do think women are more inclined to say" I'm too tired, maybe tomorrow " etc.
The problem is this. IF the man feels like he has no power in the sexual relationship( and I don't mena forceful power) or something that his partner desires, it's frustrating. It's like having a boss who is holding you back. You are powerless. No matter how good of a job you do, you're overlooked. In the bedroom, guys have a difficult with the "I'm not in the mood" thing. Lets be honest, we're usually in the mood. We have a more difficult time understanding why you wouldn't "just " enjoy it, if the worst thing you get is an orgasm. I'm not saying it's correct but it's that way many times.
A good tip is this. If you make your guy feel desirable other times, he'll handle rejection better when you're not in the mood. It's a bit of a head game but us men are simple that way. If you usually have sex and he just wouldn't take no for an answer this time, the above does not apply.
WE may be the weak link in this part of the relationship but if a man fel his lady desires him, he feels good. If she's always saying she's not in the mood or gives the impression that she can take or leave sex, the guy takes it personally. If he is faithful he has no where to turn. Afterall, you decide when he has sex and if you don't want it that much, he's stuck. By the way, he sees sex as a good thing, almost always. If you can manage, try to take it as a complimnet. He desires you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2006): The anonymous answer below is clumsy and offensive. Relationships are about understanding and honesty. She didn't have to do anything she didn't want to do. A woman has the right to choose to do whatever she wants. Her body is not her boyfriends. Your answer is disappointing and the fact that you get 'pissed off' when you can't have sex on demand is very disturbing. Hope your wife doesn't mind being objectified.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 Better he relieved himself with a wank in the toilet than force you into something you were just not up for which may have caused problems in the future.
Worry not just be pleased.
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (15 March 2006):
 I don't think there is anything to be worried about. Cor, sometimes I wish my boyfriend (ex) would've done that instead of nagging me all night!!!!! If you are not in the mood then it doesn't mean he doesn't need relieving, he would've had all that built up sexual tension and men just can't 'turn it off' like women can do, to us its just a feeling, but to them something actually gets produced inside and they have to let it out somehow.
This is perfectly healthy, in fact it can be harmful if he doesn't 'let it out' and relieve himself, just be thnakful that 1) he didn't keep you awake and try and pressure you all night and 2) that he didn't go and get it elsewhere with another women!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2006): If it happens a lot I'd be worried. As a male, if I find myself having to go to my hand for relief, I get pissed and irritated. A relationship is a two way street, and I think that it is a partner's obligation to ensure that the other is satisfied sexually. I'd never deny my wife sexual pleasure, and the times that she has denied me pleasure has pissed me off. It comes across as selfish. If you don't want to have sex, give him a blowjob. Sexual satisfaction is important to maintaining a healthy relationship. Sexual frustration can lead to all kinds of other relationship problems later down the line.
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A
female
reader, missbunbury +, writes (15 March 2006):
 Well, it's better than finding someone else to help him out! Sorry, I don't mean to be flippant, but I do think you may be overanalysing this. What exactly are you so worried about? Is it the thought that he might be angry about what happened? If so, you really need to discuss it with him - he may well not be bothered about it. Is it that you feel he shouldn't be masturbating at all because he has you? Feel free to come back with more specific information about your worries, and we'll try to help, but at this point I'm a bit unclear as to the exact problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2006): No, you shouldn't be worried. He needed release and he found a way. Perfectly normal
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