A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well, my ex is officially back home from her trip of two weeks out of the country for school. I feel like I had been doing great the past week or two, but the last couple of days (realizing she would be home soon) have really set me back. In fact, I feel down right miserable again, and I haven't even talked to her. To make matters worse, I thought I had deleted all reminders of her from my computer, but I found a message she sent me a few months ago. Ironically, I guess, I was thinking about breaking up with her at the time due to some trust issues she had with me for no good reason (she had been cheated on by another guy in the past, but I gave her no reason not to trust me). The message reads:"Hey baby! I appreciate how understanding you've been with me, most people wouldn't even bother. They would probably just be frustrated and shut down. So thank you for being you! Thins will get better!" It makes me both angry and sad that I was willing to work on things with us--and as it turned out, I was really glad I did as I later decided that I loved her--and that she didn't provide me with the same courtesy. Instead, I was left with her "confusion," not "knowing what, if anything she wants," and other wishy-washy statements. Today is the SIX WEEK mark, and I feel awful.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Well don't feel bad, it's taken my b/f more than 2 yrs. to get over his ex. I came into his life at the 2 yr. mark and he still had hundreds of pics of her on his computer at home, and mementos all over the house to reminded him of their time together. When we started seeing each other, I gradually convinced him that those things needed to be put away. We've been together now for 2 yrs and just the other day, I found some new pics he had taken off his sister's pc a couple of months ago and saved on his work computer. The only way I found them was because I was helping him with a presentation and saw the file. I was furious. I don't know how long you were with your g/f but these things take time. One thing my b/f did was fail to face the truth about the kind of woman his ex really was. He saw her as the person he wanted her to be, not the evil, manipulative person she really was. Your g/f sounds like she's a bit confused and still haunted by her own demons of mistrust from prior heartaches. Try to avoid her if at all possible and stay busy with other friends. It makes it much harder to get over someone if you insist on contacting them, and trying to remain "friends" - that almost never works out, at least not in the beginning of the break up. Maybe even dating a few gals will help you feel better about yourself. It just takes time but I think you're on the right track.
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