A
female
age
22-25,
jesswood
writes:Okay, here goes. I'm really hoping that someone can help me... I've been with my husband for 5 1/2 years now. Been married nearly 4 1/2. We moved to England a year and a half ago. Back in April 2007 I met this chick and we became really good friends. We'll call her D. Anyway, in the middle of May I found out that my husband was having an affair with D and it had been going on for about a month. They claimed to have only had sex 3 times but the most depressing thing about it was that they were and quot;in love and quot; and even talked about leaving spouses for eachother (D is also married). He also came out and told me that in December of 2006 he had slept with another of my friends, J. I was guaranteed by the two of them that it was a one time experience. Needless to say, I got really upset about it and had decided to go home to the U.S. My brother paid $1500 for my daughter and I to fly home. About 2 days before I was supposed to leave my husband begged me to stay. He told me that things would get better and we could work it out. So I believed it and stayed. We went to counseling every 2 weeks for about 3 months and soon everything seemed so wonderful. It all felt like it did when we had first gotten together. I admit that we did have some communication problems around the time he cheated and generally weren't getting along. In October 2007 Matt (husband) was diagnosed bipolar. It started to become clear to me that he could have cheated because of this and yada yada. Anyway, he was put on Lithium and still things seemed SOO good. Well...a few days ago I found out that Matt has been e-mailing D. They tell eachother and quot;I love you and quot;. Apparently they haven't seen eachother yet and had no plans to at all. It still bothers me though. I confronted him about it and he told me that he would break off all contact with her...but I still worry about it. The thing is...what do I do?? I want to trust him. I want it to be okay. I love this man more than anything. He's the one that I wanted to be with forever since the day that I met him. He keeps telling me all of these good things. Says that it will all be okay...and yeah...I want it to all be true. Can someone please help? Give me some direction? I don't know if I should leave or stay. I have my daughter to look out for too. I'm afraid to be alone, to do it all alone... Help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Dear Person,
Why do you love a man who would treat you with such disrespect? A marriage is supposed to be a bond of trust between two people. I, too, have to choose between staying and going, and I am having a hard time because he wants to stay. I understand how you feel, but part of me says go and find another decent man who will love you and respect you and make you and your daughter happier than you are now!
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, heartbrokenxx +, writes (19 January 2008):
 woah, that first response was so good :D
i probably won't meassure up but i have a story i can share if it will help. i won't tell you wat to do but u can try to make do with my experience.
well, me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and known each other for 3. as friends we respected each other and always got along the best, when we started going out we were too possessive of each other and stuff and always had fights so he cheated once with a random girl i didnt even worry bout her. and then again with a girl that lived near him. which still haunts me to this day.
i didnt find out until 9 months later wen we broke up for a month because of the fights someone msgd me and told me, so he didn't even bother to tell me himself, gutless!.
neways.
i forgave but i sure did not forget, i always thought in my head i will one day stop loving him coz of wat he did or i will learn to trust him again. so after another month of not bein together we decided to take it slow.
and its been a year and a half now and i'll tell you that both of my "options" that i was hopin to happen, never worked out. i think its because we never talked about it or discussed it properly. he would always tell me in the sweetest ways that it wouldn't happen again n he regretted it so much coz into it he fell in love with me and that he will do wateva it takes to make it up to me i could even cheat myself he said. (clearly i didnt)
well. thats my story =) xx keep me posted.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (19 January 2008):
 You have the answers inside of yourself; you even shared them with us.
It's so easy for someone else to say, "OMG! He cheated! Not a one night stand, but with two different women! And with one he is emotionally involved! Pack your things and go!"
That is certainly my knee jerk reaction.
Reality is, though, that you are afraid to be alone, to raise your daughter alone. Others would tell you to suck it up and do what you have to do. It's so easy to be objective with other people's problems, isn't it?
Here's the deal: you have some conflicting values. You want to be loved and respected within a monogamous relationship. You want your daughter to have the many benefits of growing up in a nuclear home. Both are very important. In your situation, it appears to be mutually exclusive to get both needs met.
You will have to choose one or the other, because with your husband, you cannot have both.
When you make the choice, remind yourself that YOU made a choice. Yes, if your husband just could have loved you alone, you would not have been forced to choose one or the other, but that is not an option, is it? It's lousy to be between a rock and a hard spot, but you are.
Which do you choose?
Best wishes.
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