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I want to show him I care without scaring him off

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 January 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 January 2011)
A female Italy age 36-40, anonymous writes:

This is actually a followup on a couple of posts that I submitted while things were building up to the point where we are now. And on those previous posts, most of the replies I got were very negative, and said this means nothing, I wouldn't see this guy again, this is infatuation, nothing really meaningful, etc. But against all odds and contrary to the judgments and predictions of some people who replied to those posts, all positive things have happened.

So I ask you, please keep an open mind, because I have no idea how to deal with such an unusual situation. I'm confused and apparently he is as confused with all this as I am.

I met the most wonderful man. I had never been in a one-night stand before. He lives in another country, not far from mine, and was leaving the next day. We clicked in a way I have never clicked with anyone else before. We talked for hours. We kissed. We slept together. It happened very naturally. I was aware it was very likely I wouldn't see him again, and my decision to sleep with him was based on the fact that I would rather take the most of what I could have with that special person for one night than letting any fear of feeling bad for not seeing again get in the way of the joy I was feeling at that moment.

We kept in touch. For two months. A few times, he mentioned he wanted to see me again. I knew he was very busy due to work but decided to invite him over to visit.

He's very attractive in many ways, and he doesn't really need to catch a plane to have sex with someone, he can have sex with plenty of gorgeous, funny, smart women in his own country if he wants to. But he immediately said yes, cleared his schedule, found the longest amount of days (3) that he could take off work and booked a flight. He told almost everyone he knows well (and some he doesn't even knows well) that he'd be coming to visit me. And he did.

We spent 3 days of pure bliss. It was like living a dream. Beautiful, romantic, fun, sweet, silly, sexy... everything. We seem to be just perfectly compatible. While he was here, seen from the outside, people would think we were a couple, and we were in love. We are able to talk about everything, with one cruel exception. We were always cautious about mentioning the meaning of all this.

It was hard to say goodbye. He sent the sweetest message when he got home. He sent me some of the pictures he took. Of me, and of the two of us hugging and kissing.

I think I am really falling (if not already fallen) for him. I love his strengths and weaknesses. And 5 mins after he left, I realized how much I miss him.

His country is not very far, but due to his work he will be traveling and away for 4 months. He mentioned he would send news and pictures during his trip. I really hope he does. But I'm scared. It feels like this time I have really found someone I could really feel safe and face any adversity with, and also someone with whom I can really feel happy. Someone who stimulates me in all the areas, sexually, intellectually, emotionally, and "sense of humor-y".

We give each other "hints" of how we feel. Of how happy we feel about our time together, of how much fun we have, of how sweet the other is.

He is shy, and I feel he needs a signal from my side to open up. For instance, when he mentioned he'd like to see me again, he never really proposed anything specific. But as soon as I invited him over, I got an immediate answer, with him glowing in happiness and booking a flight, without even thinking twice about how insane it is to catch a plane to see someone who was supposed to have been a "one night stand", that had happened 2 months before.

I don't want to scare him away or come on too strong, because 4 months without being remotely possible for us to see each other is quite a long time at this stage. I am not going to tell him that I might be in love with him, it is just way too early for such a thing. But I do want him to know that I care for him, that I don't see him as some random guy that caught a plane to see me, but as someone I was really eager to see, and happy to have here. I want him to have a feeling that I don't care if I have to wait for at least 4 months before seeing him again. I want to give him a little of that warm feeling that comes from realizing he really touched me.

How do I do this... without risking scaring him away?

View related questions: kissing, shy

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A female reader, island_babe New Zealand +, writes (30 January 2011):

island_babe agony auntAwwwww your story is just so adorable its like hes your dream guy and you both are meant to be together :) but a way to show that you care is just sending a txt of what you miss or favourite memory with him like you know reminice but you wont wana do the whole call him or txt him every 5mins if he dont pick up or txt you straight just keep in mind clingy is a no no ok but other than that sounds like yous are PERFECT for each other :)

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A female reader, Cherrie_StPierre Australia +, writes (30 January 2011):

Cherrie_StPierre agony auntYou tell him that you feel really comfortable with him and you will wait as long as it takes to have another special time like you had together. I really don't think you should tell him just yet that you love him. You should tell him that you are starting to really care for him deeply. However, it does not sound like anything you do is going to scare him away. Fate is a funny thing hunny and it sounds like you might have found the one for you. Just keep telling him that he means a lot to you and everything will work out fine. After the 4 months, there will be some rock hard love going on. I promise. xoxoxoxox

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