A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a really close friend, who i've developed feelings for. I really love her, and I don't want to lose her friendship, but I feel that I should at least try to see where we could go. I know that if we were together and if we ended up breaking up, that I would still want to be her friend, because she is very important to me. I have asked her out before, but she said "maybe, is it as friends or a date?" and I got discouraged because she didn't see me that way. It's been a few months, and I think she is coming around, we have gone out on "dates", i've paid for her very few times, she rarely lets me pay for her. We go to parties together, and hang out and see movies. We are really good/best friends, but at times, she sees me as more.I want to know when would be the best time to kiss her or how to tell if she wants to be kissed. I really love her, and I want to keep our friendship, but for me, I know that her and I can have something great. We were close friends, then after I told her how I felt, I gave her space, and backed off until she started wanting to hang out with me more.As many responses as possible would be great. Thanks everyone. I really need help with this, it's been bothering me for months now. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, maverick  +, writes (2 May 2007):
 You sound like you are doing vey well my friend. From what you say you have developed a relationship well. You just seem to be in a bit of a panic about what next!?
Firstly - this sounds like a cop out, but I have to say it - YOU WILL KNOW WHEN TO KISS HER.
There is a progressive way to go about it. First you two are out. Just you two - with no friends around. Be your usual charming self. Make eye contact, smile. Have fun and make her have a good time. During the course of the time out AND AS LONG AS EVERYTHING IS GOING WELL just give a light touch on her upper arm - just tap her and point over there and say something "Look theres OBJECT it looks like SOMETHING ELSE". Congratualtions you've eased youself into her personal space.
Another one to try is just lightly cupping her elbow in order to gently tug her over to somewhere you want to go (even if it's crossing the street for no reason). Good you making oggd physcial contact.
You could also try being childinsh and have a nudging fight elbow to elbow. Or stand next to her and put your right hand on her left shoulder as you stand on one leg and re-adjust you footwear. Just make non-threatening physical contact typically with her arms.
A bit later on you could look toward taking hold of her wrist, hand on her back as you walk. Evetually hugging and holding as long as its all going well (if you're not sure then don't hold a girl by her waist - this is very sexual and can be threatening to her unless she's really into you. If you want hold her between her arm-pits and shoulder blades on her back. This communicates restraint, intimacy, openness due to the position of you arms and you are not invading her more senstive areas!)
Now for the people who are wondering what on earth I am on about... You maybe wondering why am I saying all this. Well it's very simple. You are making both of you VERY COMFORTABLE with the idea of physical contact. What's this got to do with kissing? Well there is a sliding scale of comfort when it comes to touch. Handshaking and bumping are low level (many people can do these with out making you uncomfortable), holding/hugging is mid level (you need people you are comfortable with) and kissing and sex is high level contact (you need to be really comfortable here). You just want to work your way up.
The altenative is just to try to kiss her with out working your way up - and it will be a really big invasion of her personal space and will kill the kiss. Of course you two might already have the comfort level you need so you might wanna go ahead anyway!?
A few rules:
- Both of you should be having a good time
- Look into her eyes when you do touch, not her body part. That's unsettling but eye contact is reassuring.
- Don't repeat them - vary things. Even if you've steady moved up to nearly high-level moved back to mid level. Then nearly high. Then low... just keep it random and interesting.
- If she doesn't like the contact don't do it again for a while. Start again from scratch.
- Don't say say sorry if you get it wrong you will just make things aawkward. Just bounce back and have a good time and let it go.
Good luck and please let us know how it goes. M
A
female
reader, trueheartconfused +, writes (2 May 2007):
She sounds like a lovely girl , and I wish you the best luck.I am wodering if you've tried to hold her hands or hug her first, kissing might be too early if you haven't even hugged her or held her hands yet.If she let you hug her and hold her hands, that's a good indication that she sees you more than just a friend, but after holding hands, don't rush into kissing right away, you are very likely to scare her away. Wait a little while,if she really likes you and want to be more than just a friend, she will let you know by giving you signs . Best wishes.
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