A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together for a year and half - which isn't long, but we have also been living together for just over a year. We get on very well and love each other enormously. Recently I have been thinking about having children with him and would really like us to do this soon. I am turning 35 early next year, whereas he is only just 31. He is not against having children but he does say that he's finding it too much, too soon.Unfortunately I am surrounded by people at work who are either pregnant or have just had babies and now one of my closest friends is pregnant, and another friend is getting married next year and planning to start a family straight after the marriage.I can't stop feeling really strongly that I'd like to have a baby now and am starting to get upset when other people talk about it. My boyfriend thinks I'm becoming obsessed with the idea and I can tell he avoids the subject as much as possible - which only makes me feel that he doesn't want children at all. I am also worried that if we wait for a couple of years before we start trying then it could be too late for me as I'll be in my late 30s by then. It seems to me like my partner always has an excuse as to why we should wait - we'd have more money, we could travel more first etc etc. Yet at the same time he talks about travelling, holidays, buying cars etc at the moment - and never considers the cost of these to be prohibitive. We both have good jobs and a good standard of living, so I know we could afford a child, and I think most people probably struggle a little for the first few years. He's a wonderful partner and it would break my heart to leave him but sometimes I feel that perhaps I'd be better off on my own as it's too emotionally torturous to be with someone I'm completely in love with but perhaps lose my chance of having children. I wouldn't mind a year or so's wait if I felt his heart was in it and he was enthusiastic to the idea of having kids... but I don't and that's the difficult part I can't accept. I suppose guys don't have the same hormonal pull towards having children, as women do. I was never at all maternal in my 20s but since my early 30s I have slowly changed and I know I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't have children, or at least try.
View related questions:
at work, money, want children Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 November 2008):
I think this is going to be really tough for you but I think if you have to make the choice between this guy and having kids, you would pick kids.
Talk to him. Tell him you know he isn't ready and you respect that but you want to know how long roughly he thinks it is before he will be ready.
He might want to wait another 5 years and it could be too late for you by then.
It's heart breaking but I think you have to pin him down on this one and if he is doesn't want to be a dad in a good time frame then perhaps you should think about finding someone else.
Good Luck!! xx
|
