A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband are both in the Marines and we got married each other after knowing one another only 5 months. We were so crazy about each other at that time though. The problem is, the first year of our marriage was horrible. I felt like he wasn't attracted to me anymore and all he wanted to do was hang out with his friends and he completely ignored me all the time. It got to be really hard for me. He pretty much didn't want to do ANYTHING that involved me. He wouldn't eat anything I would cook, he wouldn't watch anything I would watch, he wouldn't have sex with me, or do anything I wanted to do. It was really hard for me because it is something I've never delt with before. Finally I decided I wanted a divorce and it would be final while I was deployed so then I could come back to the states and just start my life over. I got the paperwork, and he begged me not to do it, he tried so hard and promised me that he would put more effort into our relationship. and that he just didn't realize what he was doing wrong (even though I told him all the time he needed to change) I decided that I would give him that chance, besides, if things could go back to how they used to be, then everything would be great, and he has been trying very hard. I am in AF now and he sends me packages and sweet emails and has started going to counseling. And now, I can't seem to get any of those feelings back, I love him and I want to go back to how it used to be, but I can't seem to be attracted to him again. It's like our relationship has completely switched around, now he's the one trying, and I'm the one who doesn't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him anymore and I've talked to him about this. Physically he is a good looking guy. I mean... he's a Marine. He stays in shape and still looks great, but I just want to be attracted to him again and I have no idea where to start. I was just curious if there is anyone who has gone through anything like this and if they could help lead me in the right direction on what I need to do to look at him the same way I used to. Or I'm afraid that I am the one sabotaging the marriage now. I know it will never work if we aren't attracted to one another. I just want to get that back. Thanks so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): I am in same state as you are...but i developd liking for someone even before seperating and my husband now just wants me back though I dont want to continue. I am being dropped to my husbands home town yesterday and my father has left. I have asked for 3-5 days to patch with my husband but I no longer love him nor do I feel like trying and feel like I am the reason to end the marriage. But I feel stay with him for sometime and see if its actual changed or pretending Than decide whether u want to continue or quit.
All the best. Hope u get to do wat u feel is rite
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Both of you have the wrong timing. It is like doing the Cha Cha dance. Your timing is out and you need to synchronize your timing again.Look at him from the eyes of another woman and look at his positive points. Go to those places where you have frequent before during your starting period. It may bring back those memories of those good times and you can start to build up again from there.Wipe your slate clean , forget the past and live in the present. Don't let the past cloud your decisions. Treat everything as new .
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (6 April 2010):
You know it's easy for all of us on here to just say "Oh just go to counseling, It will be okay!"BUT that's "fony" we are not in your shoes, so we honestly wouldn't know how you feel. I would just go along w/ the divorce while you have time/chance. I would let the man know you are no longer in love w/ him. "Stop trying to trick yourself that you are." You have no kids, So do it before you do is my opinion.
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