A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with this girl for about 3 months now. In my previous relationships sometime my actions have got in the way, and pushed my last girlfriend away. I cant decide wether it is a trust, insecurity, jelousy or control issue. The best way for me to describe it is that i feel nervous etc when all her attention isnt focused on me. E.g. she has gone on holiday for 2 weeks, and because i dont speak to her for maybe half a day i get nervous and feel needy. Or for some strange reason i get these feelings if i think she is having a good time without me. It almost as if i imagine something untoward is happening and im trying to 'catch her out' or justify my imaginary thoughts.At the moment i am not displaying these feeling to an extensive level but its difficult to contain them.She hasnt done anything wrong to suggest i shouldnt trust her, infact its quite the opposite as often she does little thoughtful things that ease my mind etc for example a thoughtful message letting me know im the only one she wants etc.I dont want to make the same mistakes as before but its difficult to change myself so i can sit there and not get these feelings..Any self-help advice that you can give??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (20 September 2009):
Well you have taken the first step to solving this problem by admitting you have one. Were you bullied at school? do you feel that this girl is a bit out of your league? If you have been let down a few times in life then I can see why you feel this way, but your young and everyone is a bit needy in their teens when were growing up and stuff. What you need to do is find what you are scared of, it could be that you don't want to be alone or you haven't felt very loved in the past. My advice would be to try and "chill out" I know its easier said than done. Don't rush things its only been 3 months, have fun and show her that you can each do your own things and maybe instead of texting and calling her, leave her to call you sometimes. I hope it all works out for you.
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