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I want to ask this girl at work out, but we've never talked, how do I approach her?

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Question - (16 January 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 8 December 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

How do you go about asking someone out you like but have never really talked to before? Im a kind of shy/quiet guy and theres a girl a really like that i work with, only problem is she works on a different department and iv never had the chance to really say anything to her. she offen walks by and i'll try look and smile, but as most ppl know of shy ppl, is that we tend to look away instantly, which is normally what happens with me whenever i see her. but i really want to ask her out. i just dont know whether it would be considered weird to ask someone out that you have never spoken too before? all i know is i really want to ask her out, i just keep on talking myself out of it. like i'll come up with excusses of, maybe she as a b/f? maybe she will say no?

my friends think im cute that i like her, and keep saying oh we'll talk to her, but i dont want that, i want to ask her, i just need to grow a pair of balls and get over the rejection fear thing.

what should i do?

View related questions: at work, girl at work, I work with, shy

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A male reader, Tim morekamp Netherlands +, writes (8 December 2008):

just start by saying small things to her when waking past her (hi, how are you?). just be nice hold the door open for her and stuff and then you can just go up to her and tell her something like; "oh i know this amazing place to do shi t wanna maybe go there on this and this date and time?" basically grow balls and then use them. Good Luck man!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008):

dude i have the same thing going on. You have to stop giving a crap about what she is going to say and just ask her out and even if shes says no because she doesnt really know, just keep trying. don't ever give up.

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (17 January 2008):

birdynumnums agony auntYou can always grease the wheels a bit by bumping into her just before break time with a full tray of coffee from Starbucks and offer her one! Use the excuse that someone else ordered one and left for the day. Then talk! If she says "No, Thanks", it's a good opening to ask "Are you a tea drinker then?". If she says "Yes", ask her to try someplace that you know that has 'the Best Tea'!! Any other kind of scenario would work just as well - and women do like attention and flattery as much as men do. Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. There's an old saying that "Faint Heart never won Fair Maiden"! We are all rooting for you out here!

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A female reader, Fionaisme Ireland +, writes (16 January 2008):

Fionaisme agony auntHey i think you should strike up a conversation with her first of all. Try and get to know little things baout her e.g ask her how is ur day going? etc etc. Then if she makes more conversation with you you'll know where to take things. Then maybe after a week or two and you keep up the little conversations just ask her would she like to go 4 a drink after work? Its casual and at least if she says no you can always say you just wanted to as a friend. Good luck hope it works out for you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

i wrote the question.

its easy for me to say i should grow a set of balls but its the hardest thing in the world to is asking or even talking to girls you have the hots for. i mean its been since last summer and everytime i see her i freeze and end up shying away as if im not interested which is the total opposite i want.

is it that bad to randomly ask someone out for a drink or coffee?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

you said it urself man, grow a set get up and talk to her. You can't ask her out w/out even knowing anything about her. For all you know she could have a man, or a man's voice. Talk to her a little first then ask her. but as the saying goes, the longest journey begins with the first step.

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A male reader, Billie0013 United Kingdom +, writes (16 January 2008):

Billie0013 agony auntTry to find out her routine, when she starts work, when she finishes work, where she heads off to and so on. Evert time you see her a big grin and a "Hi" "Nice outfit you're wearing" "You look good today". Then you can work out the best time to "accidentally" be with her for a few moments - like sharing the elevator to a work floor or in a canteen for lunch or at a bus stop sort of thing.

Then get a couple of short scripts prepared and rehearsed - and rehearsed.

Then, again accidentally, manage to find yourself by her. A quick "Hi, how are you" and "Fancy a McDonalds?" or if you have a car "Can I give you a lift?"

Just work out the scenarios and rehearse. She's surely heard that you got the hots for her and she's likely just as nervous in talking first to you.

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (16 January 2008):

O Connor agony auntwhy dont you come up with a situation that makes you too bump into eachother 'accidently on purpose'?? i.e sharing the elevator, even walking past her etc. start by saying how you have seen her and introduce yourself, ask her about her work - but dont be too curious! try and get to know her and establish some sort of relationship with her before you ask her out. wen you have done this, just suggest that the 2 of you could go for coffee sometime. you have nothing to lose, if she says yes then great, if she doesnt then at least you have mustered up the confidence to ask someone out, and it can only get easier. i hope some of this helps, good luck!!

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