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female
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anonymous
writes: Last night I told my ex that kept harassing me about going skiing with him today not to pick me up, that it was over, and not to contact me. He texted me back saying "ok, no problem, I already had someone else who wanted to go anyways, just figured I'd ask you." He does this all the time, acting like he's fine by saying little things to hurt me and get a reaction out of me. Half of the time they aren't even true. Well, sure enough, in the middle of the night, like I knew he would, he texted me saying "why do I love you unconditionally? I just can't bring myself to forget you." It's like he doesn't want to love me but can't help it. I don't know. I didn't respond, obviously, because I really want him to get the hint this time that I can't be with him because he is so disrespectful to me and was emotionally abusive to me in so many ways. At first I thought I could maybe be his friend (we broke up 2 months ago), but when I saw him briefly last weekend I knew that I wasn't ready yet because I still have feelings for him too. My question is, if he is so bad for me, why do I love him? I guess I'm having a hard time letting him go, because even though I know I can't be with him now because of his behavior, it's hard to let him go becasue that means he will probably meet someone else and I might ruin my chances of ever being with him again. Of course, I do believe that if it's meant to be it will work itself out in the future. I know unconditional love doesn't keep track of wrongs, but I'm pretty sure mental abuse is an exception. He always tells me that I can't help who I love. But I always say that I can help who I spend my time with. Soon, my heart will heal. Right? What do I do?
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female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (8 December 2007):
 What you described is not love, it is emotional bondage.
You are addicted to the drama that he provides by manipulating you. Men that would treat you with respect would not interest you because you would think they were boring.
Back away from him. Be alone. Get to know yourself.
When you know what your needs are, you can cautiously meet men that don't push your buttons. Their brand of love is not as exciting with all the highs and lows, but it is stable and rewarding... it is give and take, as a healthy relationship should be.
You cannot save your ex. He has to figure out his issues and change himself. Save yourself future heartache and wean yourself from him.
Best wishes.
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