| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: i am 16 and this boy that i really like has been the only person i have fancied in my life. i will ask him out soon but the problem is i dont want him to have ever had a girlfriend before. i want to be the only girlfriend he has had. i want us to lose our virginity together. i want to be his first kiss and everything and his first love. i cant stand the thought of him been with anyone else even if he isnt with them anymore. why do i think that? none of my mates care if their b/fs have had other girlfriends or have snogged anyone else before them. what is wrong with me? i dont understand. i just want to not care if he has been with anyone else! plz help! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2006): There is nothing wrong with thinking this way, but the problem is you'll probably find he has experienced quite a bit with other girls. Boys at that age generally do, the race is on for kissing and sex, and most young teens rush into it before they are really ready. Then when get older and they find somebody they like, they wish it had been with them. But theres nothing you can do to change his past.
If you do end up seeing him i would advise you to think of ways you can make your relationship special, other than the obvious, predictable physical i.e- taking long walks together, writing to each other. Apeal to his sence of romance which most young men are keen to hide.Even if you are that special girl he feels comfortable talking to, and he finds he can really open up to you.
Even if it dosnt work out with him, you will always be rememberd as special.
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 May 2006):
 Personally i have thought like you before, wanted to be the first so i was special to him but there is another side to it, if you are their first there is also the fact that they havent had a chance to be with other people therefore not knowing that you are more important and special it can work both ways and on both sides of it, i have ended up prefering being with someone that has already experiance hurt and disappointment edging them not to want someone else to feel it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): There is nothing wrong with this fellow dating other girls before you. I think we all want to be the 'one special girl' in someone's life but that is unrealistic because at your age, many (not all) teens have had a few dating partners, already. It appears you have made 'plans' for this guy that he's unaware of. It's as if he's the 'chosen' one. And I'm evern more surprised you mention potentially giving this guy, your virginity?! You haven't even dated him yet..sex comes into a relationship long after love, respect and trust have been well established. Dating is not just choosing someone to have 'sex' with. That's pretty meaningless, isn't it. Dating is supposed to be fun and yes, it's a selection process. It teaches a young person the serious responsibility of love and committment and prepares them for that, when adulthood hits. Teens need to experience life to the fullest, spread their wings and take time for self-discovery before the huge responsibilities of adulthood step in. Dating a variety of people, developing new friends and interests, learning how to live with and care for oneself, totally and independently on your own. These are the ways young people learn who they are and what makes them unique. It's a life learning process. I recommend all teens go through this, before getting to that "committed and settled" phase of their life. I think your way of thinking, is showing signs of you being a tad bit 'overpossessive person who could experience jealousy, easily'. Those are toxic feelings and they should NEVER come into a relationship. Think about that. If you go into a relationship with that type of thinking, you will kill the relationship before it gets off the ground. While it's okay to want certain qualities in a person, it's really totally offbase to expect him to 'not to have had a life' before you. We are talking about another free thinking person here who has the 'right' and 'freedom' to date whom , when and how many. If you find out he's dated other girls, either accept that and build a 'new, wonderful relationship" with him and put his past where it belongs, in the past. Don't mention it or discuss it. If you can't accept that, then move onto to someone else who fits your 'criteria' but you may be hard pressed to find the guy who will make the final grade. I wish you well, but change your mindset and remember, dating is supposed to be fun. You are taking this way too seriously. Relax and just go with the flow and enjoy life.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): You don't own his past, but you can be a part of his future. The past isnt really any of your business, and its best if you remember that.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (23 May 2006):
 Im afraid you are asking for the impossible here.If this guy you like is the same age as you,chances are,he probably has had a few girlfriends...there is nothing you can do about this...unless you wanted to date a monk! Look at it this way,when you ask him out and he says yes....remember,he wants to be with you and as he will be your 1st boyfriend,you dont want to blow it by getting jealous with his previous girlfriends....otherwise it will make you look too clingy.Now go and ask him out!...Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): If you want that kind of guy then wait for him sweetie, there is nothing wrong with you for wanting this. You are still only 16, there are plenty of boys out there who want the same as you. You just have to find them. hint: they arn't generally the confident types that chat you up at every opportunity.
Remember actions speak louder than words, don't listen to guys who do the talk, no matter how lovely they seem, if they encourage you to sleep with them, they will soon be gone after they have got what they wanted.
Don't listen to your mates, judge yourself by YOUR standards only. They will probably make you feel like there is something wrong with you, but SECRETLY, they are jealous that you have more ideals than they have and want it to be special. Trust me! ;)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): I can understand you feelings,but its happend and nobody can change that fact.The main thing which you have to focus on now is your own feelings if you really like this boy and do you want him to be your first? If the answer to those questions is yes then tell him how you feel about him.But remember dont ever be made to do anything you dont want to do losing your virginity should be a special thing and dont be forced.GOOD LUCK
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): It is because you want to be the most special girl to him, but you really need to feel special for yourself too - you need to love yourself no matter what he thinks, but not be so in love with yourself that it is a gigantic turnoff to anyone within a mile radius. Boys (and girls) always remember their first partner but their first partner may not be their best one. In adult relationships we just have to accept that our partners may have had a 'past'. Of course it is wise to talk about that past in order to have a discussion about protection against STD's and such like. However, in some ways a past can be a good thing - for example, a boy will learn how to treat a girl nice by making mistakes in the past. However, it seems to me that you may have control issues more generally - you have got it all planned out about asking him for a date, kissing him, having sex etc. I would say SLOW DOWN. Your hormones maybe raging at the moment but take your time as everything is so intense, serious and dramatic in the teen years. You need to relax and get to know him properly - he might even turn out not to be the person you think he is. Dating is supposed to be fun and you don't need to be practising replacing your surname with his just yet!
...............................
|
