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I want someone to adopt my baby!

Tagged as: Family, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 October 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 23 October 2009)
A female United States age 26-29, *ianawright85 writes:

hello,am new here and i will just want to find out certain things,am 8 months 3 days pregnant and i have being having this thinking in my head for some time now,it has being a hard decision to make but i think am reay for this now,i will want to adopt the baby am carying,i think it will be the best thing for me to do,i want the best for this baby and even before this time i had the bad thinking on abortion,but i was scared i will die and now i want a someone to take care of the baby.Please am open to any advice.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009):

well i appreciate that there are different views and the poster is entitled to hear them all. The choice of wording i disagree with...though i understand what you are saying. I just think for some it is the responsible thing to do and not an easy choice. I'll just agree to disagree. I usually do agree with you and im sure i will again. . ;)

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A female reader, HonningKanin Norway +, writes (23 October 2009):

HonningKanin agony auntMarriedlady you can take offence to anything I say. I dont overtly care as it is an abortion of responsibility. The word abort means to fail, cease, or stop at an early or premature stage. The oposite word of abort being adopt, as someone adopts the responsibility for the child. What she is about to do is prematurely end a relationship and all responsibilities hence forth when she places it up for adoption by another.

The line about the adoption system in Norway is irrelevent and if you read my bio, I am from the USA and the system that came to mind was the USA's. As for foster care and the adoption system in Norway it is very big here as well with Gay couples being allowed to marry and adopt. One of the Norwegian Idol winners(Alejandro Fuentes) was actually adopted from Chili. Hell, my little sister in law is from China and my Mother in-law's brother is Cambodian. I have nothing against adoption or abortion. Its really the mother that has to deal with the end consequences. Not me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009):

Easy! At least from a logistics standpoint. There are a lot of couples that would love your baby.

There are some things you'll need to decide on- do you want this to be an open adoption, or how open. Would you like to see the child or maybe pass letter to them on Christmas or heir birthday? Do you want the child to stay in your local area?

I frankly think you'll be better off with a religious based service because they are doing it to help helpful rather than a than one that is for pay or with civil servants, but that is up to you.

The other thing to realize is that you dont have to rush into this and make your decision before the child is born. People want a newborn but that is defined as a child under a couple of years.

Take your time. Figure out what questions to ask, what you should look for in an adoption organization, adoptive parents and what your plans need to be.

There are plenty of adopted kids who have gone on to great things (including a US President) so you shouldnt think of this as a failure, but maybe the start of something great for them.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (23 October 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntA very difficult decision, and one that you should make only after carefully considering all the factors that affect you and your life. If you are experiencing fear that is paralyzing you or affecting your life to such an extent that you are having problems functioning, you need to tell your doctor. This is not normal. Some natural fear of the unknown that causes some worry is common.

Here is a resource for you if you are having difficulty establishing how you will decide whether to keep the baby or put it up for adoption: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/pregnancy/adoption-21520.htm

We can't tell you what would be best for you; that is something you will have to determine. I wish you well as you face this situation. Take care.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009):

i hate to post a disagreement, but i must. I think that a child placed in the foster care system is different than private adoptin. There are bad homes in the foster care system...we read about them every day. But i know my parents did foster care for 20 yrs. They loved each and every child. The adoption process may be as konning described in that country but our poster and i live in the USA. Private adoption in this country is by and large successful. I personally know of 8 families, that have adopted 14 children that have loving and happy homes. It is a big decision and not to be done lightly. But i applaud the choice and i take exception to the 'adoption is just another form of abortion' line. This is an unacceptable statement in my opinion.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009):

talk to your doctor. They sometimes know personally of people who are longing to adopt...if not then they know who to contact. I know that this is a difficult time for you.... i know a couple (close family friends) who were unable to give birth to a child. Not fixable.They were given the gift of parenthood in exactly this way. They took their child home home from the hospital 2 years ago and it has transformed their lives. I wish you the best,and we are here if you need us.

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A female reader, HonningKanin Norway +, writes (23 October 2009):

HonningKanin agony auntThere are cartainly many websites which can help you locate your nearest (or furtherst) adoption center where you can fill in the proper paper work to leave your child with them. They will more than likely try and convince you to keep the child. Ultimately their counselors will say something along the lines of what I will be saying.

I dont know the circumstances of this pregnancy(it could have been rape or something else), but I just need to let

you know adoption is just another abortion. The abortion of responsibility of the child. Are you ready to fully let go and stop caring about this child?

I know that you think you are doing the best for the child, and who know it may end up in a caring loving home, but technically the best for any child is to be with its parents. It could be adopted out and everything will be perfect for it where it grows up to be a happy healthy member of society and grows up to have their own family with little to no effect that they were adpoted. However this is not always the case. It could indeed end up in a foster care system where, potentially it can go in and out of new houses. Never in a stable home with loving people this can open to possible abuse. Either by a worker, a foster carer or because it didn't grow up in a stable loving home could potentially(not always) want to run away. It does happen and these children are vulnerable at that stage on the streets. They may develope abandoment issues and because of it never will be able to have a decent relationship. You will have to become ok with these possibilities.

In all likely hood you are setting the child up for a future of not knowing where it came from and leaving it with questions that may never get answered. 20 years down the line it may try and find you. Are you prepared for to answer their questions then?

Maybe down the road you will think this is a mistake and try and look for it. Are you ok with the possibility this child will not want to know you, resent you or that they may end up causing trouble because of the reintroduction. The lack of a bond there means you will never have the mother child relationship. You will be strangers. You have to also really make sure you supress this desire because you could potentially be ruining this childs life by entering it at such a late stage. Why would you give a damn at that point?

If you can say, when I give this child up I will no longer care about it, think about it or want anything to do with it, then you are ready. You need to be totally detached otherwise it will only cause future problems.

Think about it a little more and if you are still set on adoption I would recommend googling the foundling societies in your state.

HonninKanin

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