A
female
age
41-50,
*ookiemon77
writes:Hi,I love my mother and we have been through a lot together. Now that I am getting married I want her to have her own place becuase sometimes things get a little ugly with us. Sometimes she doesn't respect my boundaries and treats me like a child even when I am 30 years old already, my fiance doesn't mind her living with us even though sometimes he gets frustraed with her. But, I want her to get her own place, close so that I can help her and take care of her. She always says that she wants her own space and now that I brought is up she says that I am throwing her out with no where to go. My brother offered her to stay with him but she doesnt want to go, she wants to stay close to me. But, I just feel that we should be apart just for a little while. I do not know what to say to her and how to aproche this situation. What should I do?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 November 2009):
The fact you've given her a deadline is making this feel forced, even though she herself wanted this to happen one day anyway.
She's scared that the wedding day will come, she'll be on her own, you'll be with your new husband and you'll forget all about her forever.
Stupid but you must be able to see it from her point of view.
Why not tell her that she can stay until she is ready to go but you want her to agree to start looking for a place as you will want to be alone together at some point.
Ease her into this as soon as possible.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 November 2009):
This is one of those unfortunate situations that can arise when loved ones live together, and one needs to make a change. I'm afraid I think you have to be honest with her, no matter what happens. She has it a little easy, living with you, because she still has control. and there's no doubt she is nervous about being alone as well. But she needs to understand that you're getting married now and you and your husband will need your space. After all, at some point, there will be arguments, and the last thing yous fiance will want is her controlling him. And also, you might want to start a family, which will also cause problems. You need to explain those points to her. You're not abandoning her or anything, you're just moving forward with your life. She has to do the same. Explain your points, and don't fall for the guilt trip either. She's bound to try it, but don't fall for it. You have to be honest, no matter what.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): hi ,
just tell her that you want some space because your a grown woman and so is she, your mother will understand the sitiuation and if she dosent she's being a little imature about it. but the best thing you could do is to secretly find a nice flat close to where you live and decorate it nicely for her before she knows. that way if you've got it all decorated and everything she cant really turn it down
hope my advicee helps a little
byee ,x
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