A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 36 and have been happily married for nine years (hubby is 41). My husband's low sex drive is an issue - he could go long periods without sex, so I mostly initiate and he complies. He has never given me oral (nor does he want it), he doesn't like it. He is turned off by lingere, and I have never worn it for him. He is not interested in anal or toys, or even me touching myself in front of him.I would like to make love 2-ish times a week but more importantly, I want him to be interested and excited about it. At times I have told him flat out(and insinuated) that he can have me now if he wants, and he's declined. I have read about possible causes and have ruled them out, which makes this harder. I'm attractive, we have a great marriage otherwise, he doesn't get stressed, I know he's not gay, I really doubt testosterone is an issue (he's as manly as they come, no pun), he gets plenty of sleep, not on any medications and doesn't over drink. There has been no sexual abuse. I should mention that I have never had an orgasm (by myself or during sex) but I am totally attracted to my husband and really enjoy sex with him. This is something I have worked on over the years through therapy and masturbating, to no avail. I have wondered he could be having anxiety over pleasing me, because he wants me to, but I don't think that's the only thing going on here. My lack of orgasm is something we've gotten use to.He is totally happy with our sex life, and a part of me is glad he's so content. I really want o have a great sex life with him, I am worried about our marriage. He will not go to therapy and I don't know where to look for a good (sex) therapist, and don't want to look in the phone book, but will as a last option for myself.Any advice you can give is helpful. Thank you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): Hi there,
I am a male with high sex drive with a wife with ZERO. I am going to be brief, since all the answers on this site seem to look similar all the time.
1) Do the usuals: therapy, hormone therapy for him, counselling.
2) If the "usuals" don't work, then decide if sex is important (a CORE value). If it is: Then its time for divorce. Period.
A sexless marriage is unacceptable. Its just a fact of nature. Frankly, its too bad that women and men don't discuss their libido's more openly when marrying...it would save a lot of grief.
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