A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Since my boyfriend left me 4 months ago I don't know who I am.I grew up with my mum my dad died when i was 4 (now 24) so we have always been quite close.My boyfriend of 4 years who I met at uni left me and has made me question myself completely. He blamed me for the whole split and said I can't make a decision on my own I always agree with my mum, he called me a shit girlfriend and told me we had a shit relationship, told me I'm too close to my mum and the cord is still attached and told me it didn't help that I never went through a rebellious stage as a teenager.He said I dont support him in his business (even though he was living in my flat rent free and not paying any bills and had the spare room as his office and my family invested a huge amount of money in him). But yes to be honest I wasn't that interested in what he did, like vice versa he wasn't interested in what I do working in fashion.When I spoke to him over the phone a week ago I asked him 'do you think you did anything wrong in the relationship?' he replied 'no I didn't all I did was treat you like a princess, you'll never find anyone like me again. I don't regret anything I've done'I think hes horrible for blaming alot on me but it still doesn't make me stop wanting him back.... even though he's acted like a complete moron and he left at the drop of a hat. We have had arguments in the past and he's threatened leaving but never gone, becuase we could always conclude that we loved one another. Then in November we were looking at houses and put an offer down on one and we made dinner plans then he suddenly tells me he doesn't want to be with me anymore and tells me it just feels like the right time. 2 days letter he's moved all his stuff and office out of my flat and gone back to his parents. I know there wasn't anyone else because he's not capable of that. I saw him last week driving around my area (because that's where alot of his clients are based) in his flash car which my family gave to him with a girl in the car, it wasn't one of his friends and he was wearing a t-shirt so he wasn't working. it's only been 4 months, I think he's acted like a complete prat but I still love him and want him back!!! I can't seem to believe that he's acted the way he has.... and he has left me with so many questions and so many questions and blame towards myself!!In my opinion it wasn't a shit relationship, yes we argued, like couples do, but they never bothered me to the extent of questioning whether I should leave. We were sleeping in the same bed, still getting along so I dont understand for the life of me why it can be a shit relationship, and he told me he's going to find someone so much better who wont treat him like shit. I just don't know! What does everyone else think? Perhaps I was a really rubbish girlfriend??
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): You don't want him back. Your ego doesn't like the way it feels to be rejected and being told you're unworthy by a prick.
You don't love him, he destroyed your pride. He told you all that crap about your relationship with your mother; because she could see through him. He knows as long as your mother was in the picture, he had little control over you.
He couldn't weasel as much out of you as he might have if she was talking in your other ear, and around to protect you from yourself. He's right. You are quite immature.
That much is true. The way you're handling it is childish.
You realized he used you, and took money from your parents that he isn't offering to pay back. He insulted you, and your relationship with your own mother. He packed his little belongings and dumped you cold. Not to mention without paying back any of the money he took from your family.
The real reason he left is; he thinks you're a sucker, and he's finished with you.
You don't want him back, he left you with your pride hanging out. Mum probably warned you the whole time.
She realized you were being used. All he needed was to get his business running, and he planned to dump you anyway. So he had to have a reason, and not look like a user and an assh*le. Just blame it on you and your mother. Then cut ties and run. It was about money. A place he could live, and run a business with very little overhead.
You got played, girlfriend!
Let that resonate on your brain for a little while.
Then realize that all that bullsh*t he said was to shake your confidence, lower your self-esteem, and knock you off balance. That left you unable to fight back, and be too weak and confused to come after him for the money he stole from all of you.
Let him go. Don't use the word love, unless he loves you back. If he loved you, he wouldn't have talked to you in such a way. To show you how little he appreciated you; he replaced you inside four months.
Still feeling love?
I think that word is being used out of context here.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): Any chance of getting the car back? I wouldn't give a toss about the rest of it but I would want the car back.I went out with a guy for a while who was very attached to his family. He literally wouldn't cross the road unless they gave him the all clear. I oouldn't bear the fact that he was unable to think on his own and constantly had to refer to them. I needed an extremely independent man which he wasn't. I imagine this chap did not really understand a close knit family situation and it wasn't for him although he was more than happy to sponge of your family. Try and salvage monetry wise anything you can from him but don't take him back or try and get him back. He's not a nice guy and you don't want someone like that. You are only missing familiarity and eventually that breeds contempt.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (5 April 2014):
You just weren't compatible, its got nothing to do with you being rubbish. Find a guy who accepts/loves who you are and your relationship with your mom.
Also you only want him back because he rejected you. People always want what they can't have.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 April 2014):
 I can't see any question in your submittal. You write: "...I think hes horrible (for blaming alot on me) but it still doesn't make me stop wanting him back..."
Based upon this (phrase), YOU have to do a bit of "homework" and figure out: 1. That this guy is a total a$$.... who, 2. STOLE money from your family (in the form of taking their "investment" nomey, and, 3. He is nowhere NEAR anything like a "boyfriend" .... in fact, 3A. Isn't the person that most-anybody would want as ANY TYPE of "friend."
You need a wake-up call. If necessary, get your MOTHER to give you that wake-up call....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): As long as you don't take him back, get rid of him from your memory - he's a douche.
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