A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend had several girl's numbers in his cell. We have been together for over a year. I finally got the nerve to ask him why he still had them in his cell. When I did he got really mad! He said I bring drama because a few weeks ago I had asked him if he was serious about me. Now I was making a big deal about this. He told me to leave. He lives with his mom (quit his job last year). We went outside to talk and he told me he must telepathic because he had a dream we broke up and he told me to "kick rocks". we ended up talking it out. I try not to question him about him anything because if I do he flies off the handle. He always spouts out about breaking up and this makes me question how serious he is. I want a permanent future. Since he reacts like this does it mean he isn't that committed to me or does he still have fears like I do because our relationship ended years ago that we won't stay together now?
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female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (23 March 2009):
 No, he has no right to fly off the handle like that.
If you were pestering him daily and getting hyped up about this, or going into his phone and deleting numbers yourself, I could see why he'd get upset. But you just have a curiosity natural in relationships. He was being a jerk, and it's uncalled for.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the feedback. I forgot to say that he said "these were people that he knew before we got together". Does this make his reaction any better?
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A
male
reader, NoLoveNoLife +, writes (23 March 2009):
It seems to me hes not committed to the relationship even close as much as you are. In a real relationship you talk about things. It's also definitely not a good sign if he gets angry that you ask about why he has other girls numbers in his phone. Personally if I was asked that and everything was legit, I'd tell you what they are to me(old/good friend?,sister?,whatever?). It shouldn't be a big deal. Sorry to say this but he kinda sounds like an asshole for telling you a dream he had where you break up and he tells you to "kick rocks".
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 March 2009):
 It doesn't sound good to me that you can't ask him questions about where the relationship is going. I understand you have doubts. I believe the only way out is to say something like "Hey, I want to ask you something and don't give me the standard 'you-make-me-upset-with-your-questions thing. What can I expect from you?"
Pretending to be very upset is some people's way to have their way in everything.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (23 March 2009):
If he is reacting in such a volatile and defensive way, then it sounds like he is hiding something.
I asked my BF of a year why he still had an ex GF's number in his phone. He said "Holy cow, i totally forgot about that, and deleted it for me, no questions asked, and I only asked why, I didn't even ask for it to be deleted!
Look, his actions are common scare tactics that controlling personalities use to bully their partners. If he can scare you that he will break up with you, then you will be more willing to get off his back and let him do what he wants in a disillusioned effort to "prove" that you love him.
Honestly, not much about him sounds great. I think he isn't serious about you, but he is very serious about controlling you. He seems to be all about control. I'd leave if I were you. You can try anger management, but seeing as he has no job, he probably has no insurance to cover and therapy sessions.
Is an unemployed, controlling, manipulative, angry 30 yr old man who lives with his mom the kind of guy you really want to be married to?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): I question his ability to commit because of the fact that he does have other girls phone numbers and also because he talks about breaking up again and again. He must be either fearful or not ready to settle down. And if you are ready to settle down, is this the type of person you want to settle down with? Make a list of what type of characteristics are important to you in a mate and see how many he posesses. Seriously, if he does not make the list, just move on. You will fall in love again, and maybe the next time you will be more selective about what you are looking for in a man and what type of relationship you deserve.
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