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I walked on him and my gay brother having sex!

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Question - (12 October 2007) 16 Answers - (Newest, 18 May 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I Have a problem....I've been seeing my boyfriend for two years now and last night I walked on him and my gay brother having sex!!! I really really love my bf and my brother and I know that I should dump him but I really love hi and he says it was just an 'experiment' to find out if he was gay or not, something he has lately been thining about or so he says, our sex life is great and he always buys me flowers and chocolates and in every prospect he is a perfect boyfriend. Should I stay with him or what??? I'm so confused!!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

Yes you should keep him

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008):

hi im 14 i also explored to see what i was well let me be honest you found him having sex with your brother well 1 he might be gay and he doesent tell you or 2 he was exploring this dosent meen he is gay or bi but either way he was cheating on you and what you should do is for you to know

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008):

To be honest with you sexuality is either heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual or other. But sometimes you explore things to find out what you really want and are this comes naturally for humans. And You have to think like this

* your boyfriend was having sex with your bro right now he probally was exploring his sexuality, and you have to options (A) You explode and get angry and dump him in a bad way or (B) Have a nice chat with him saying no matter what am here for you and I do understand you need time to explore your sexuality and i would find someone else but reasure him tht your there for him. Like i say its time am afraid and you have the right to feel angry but think about how better it would be if you could still get on and make him feel good about himself and know your there for him good luck x

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A male reader, mm2u United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

I would continue to go out with him, AFTER talking seriously about his sexuality.

He seems like it was an experiment

talk to your brother and ask if he was good or not, and if he was bad, then you know it was an experiement and vice versa.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

Is it possible that your boyfriend might be bisexual? I think you need to have a heart-to-hear talk with him, and ask him to tell you the truth. Tell him you won't judge him and will accept whatever his answer is. What type of gay sex was it -- oral or anal? Were they doing some kind of sexual thing that you and your boyfriend don't do with each other? That might explain why it happened.

I don't know if you have considered this, but if your boyfriend enjoyed the sex with your brother, and you love both of them, the three of you could experiment with having a three-way relationship for a while to see if it would work. There are three-way marriages and relationships (swingers) all over this country, but a lot of people in them don't talk about it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi, well, I'm 18 and so is my brother (we're twins) and he is 21 that's just an answer to peoriaman.

I've talked to my brother and he says that, let's call him...Gary (not his real name) came onto him and said we were broke up. My bro said that I had never told him that and then Gary made my brother feel bad by saying that I didn't love him and didn't trust him. I love my brother and I believe him.

I then talked to Gary, not mentioning anything my bro told me. And he said to me that my bro came onto HIM and that he couldn't stop him, that it was like he was possesed!! I then mentioned to him that he had earlier told me that it was an experiment to see if he was gay or not, which stumped him. I've learned that I can't trust him, and who knows? Maybe he's cheated on me before. And that's what hurts. I worked it out and today is actually, 3 years since we first went out.

I'm really hurting and now me and my brother are closer than ever, we both know what a jerk Gary is :(

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A male reader, gayguy16 United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2007):

gayguy16 agony auntwell its realy up you u whether you think he'll be faithfull in the future to you, and i suppose your boyfriend could be bi-sexual, he just didnt say because of the gay side of being in that sexuality,

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A female reader, ladysuzanna Canada +, writes (16 October 2007):

ladysuzanna agony auntdo you want to share the man with a man for get the flowers and all the other charming things he does you want a man would you share him with a women yes it hurts to leave someone we love but think about the rest of your life good luck

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A female reader, Lila United States +, writes (14 October 2007):

Lila agony auntDuring this so called experiment were there science papers or beakers strewn about?No,probably not so much of an "experiment"huh.He cheated on you plain and simple,would you be going through all this questioning if he had screwed your sister or best friend,it is still cheating.Personally if I saw my b.f.taking it from my brother I wouldn't be able to look at either of them for a long time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

Whether he is gay or not he cheated on you. There are plenty of men out there who he could have experimented with. Maybe your brother encouraged it? I have no idea but what I do know is that if I walked in on my boyfriend having sex with ANYONE then he'd be gone. A cheat is a cheat. Oh and by the way.... I hope you're using condoms.

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A female reader, toughlove United States +, writes (13 October 2007):

I think you should seek more qualified advice on this than you'd get from people on this forum, including me. I'd ask some people who know more about homosexuality and do some research.

I can definitely sympathize with what you must feel though. It's disturbing and disgusting ! Homosexuality is a difficult thing to understand in general. There are a lot of questions that no one seems to have answers to, like what's the difference between homo and bi? Homosexual people, I've noticed, don't ever get "right". Bi people, like Angelina Jolie, for example, seem to be able to still have somewhat normal long-term relationships (though there was that rumor about a three-some). It's a weird question to ask: "is my boyfriend gay or just bi?"

In either case, I've heard of people who make some kind of two way arrangements where the bi-sexual person has a same-sex partner as well. I think this was in cases of older people though, a younger person has more of a need of a partner in every sense. Though people put up with a lot of stuff. Hillary has been married to Bill since college and he's said to always have been cheating.

In other words, it is a very personal decision. Every partner has flaws, you just have to decide if those flaws are manageable for you, personally.

There's another side to it though: this was your brother! Infidelity with family or close friends is a very difficult thing to forgive. Honestly, I think I'd walk away from him. He could have "experimented" with anyone, but choosing your sibling is that much more hurtful. He could have been attracted to him more because he got to be around him so much, but then, it's not experimenting, its more than that. That sounds more like gay than bi-sexual.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

Ew! Of course not! He is bi. Why on Earth would you want the whole world to be your potential rival? And Ew! With your own brother? And your brother didn't thought about your feelings? Well at least you can thank him for unmasking that creep on time.

Dear what's wrong with you? It's OK if you want to forgive them But come back with him? You have no chance in the world of having a normal healthy relationship and/or marriage with this guy. And if you are accepting of this horrendous situation so calmly it means you have deep issues and could get hurt badly in any relationship.

It ain't normal to accept this kind of abuse from anybody like you are doing. Dump him now and look for help because chances are you'll end up being abused by him or any other man.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007):

Dump him!!!! If he loved you he would not but doing your brother. Think about it long and hard, every time you look at him wouldn't you be thinking of how you caught them in the act.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007):

Love means a lot of things but one thing it does [not] mean is tolerating everything wrong you are given/shown, even though it harms you. Neither of them was actually thinking of your benefit when they were doing this "small experiment." For the bf to have chosen from among your family to determine his sexual inclinations is an execrable thing, and your brother has made a choice too, and your relation is more than likely compromised for good. These shocks can be highly damaging if you allow them, that is not a minor incident. You should continue your life with a caring partner, that respects you, and you have learned even inside the family there can be betrayals and own interests to pursue. Be careful please about how you choose to let this impact you. It will be hard at first with flashbacks of what happened that may return to mind and disquiet you but you have to surpass the disadvantage of having lived this. You're not a "target" for such type of incidents, some fallaciously blame themselves and feel doomed. No. Please believe in being stronger than this. Life goes on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007):

Why on earth would you want to stay with this man?!

1 He cheated on you

2 It was with another man

and 3 That man was your brother.

You need to think seriously about what he has done to you, you would be very foolish to belive that it's just "an experiment". If I were you I would also question the loyalties of your brother, he has beytrayed you in one of the worst possible ways.

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A female reader, Pinkbees09 United States +, writes (12 October 2007):

Pinkbees09 agony auntYou guys should talk about this because this is a serious situation. Just sit and talk with him and good luck with this.

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