A
female
age
41-50,
*nloved
writes:I have a relationship for over an year with a man i really love. he has a 8 years old daughter, but he never got married to the mother. i have nothing with his daughter, who is a sweetheart, but hate the mom. i don't like her interferring the relationship i have with her ex. i don't mind them talking on the phone everyday things regarding their daughter, but when he calls her telling her that the next weekend we have to go somewhere and then the next weekend she calls back and comes up with a "good" reason for him to pick up his daughter after we had everything planed....it just drives me crazy. There was our one year anniversary.she calls him that day that she really has to go to this friend's b-day party. he agrees to pick up his daughter without no feeling of guilt towards me.When i told him that he has no personality when it comes to her and that i don't like him actting this way ,he said that his relation with the mom is alllready weakened and that he doesn't want to make it worse.now the examples can go on, but i don't want to bore.What can i do and does it worth going on with this relationship?
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female
reader, inloved +, writes (13 October 2007):
inloved is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfor tommy,
thank u so much for your reply. you said that "things didn't go my way"....well it's not about that. its about our way, mine and his and about him not having the courage of facing her when it comes for something important in our lifes or something preplaned. when she calls him to pick up the daughter on an ordinary day i don't mind at all....i like spending time with his daughter.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (12 October 2007):
 It sounds like the mother is one jealous person. Now, relationships shouldn't interfere with the relationship between a parent and a child, but that doesn't seem to be the issue. It seems as if this behavior on her end is intentional. She's trying to come in between the two of you. The question then is, what boundaries should be set up so you can focus on your relationship and he can focus on his child. You need to leave time for your plans too. What I would do is set an agreement with the mother. I would set it up that, other than regular visitation, additional time has to be preplanned. He party was not any more important than your plans. He needs to understand that even though they have a child, he's no longer obligated to the mother.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (12 October 2007):
Doen't expect priority over his daughter. You named a few things that didn't go your way. On balance, do you get a lot of good times with him? You can't expect to win them all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): Your boyfriend shows a lack of dominance when dealing with his ex. He allows her to interfere with your relationship and refuses to take a stand when it comes to her demands.
It is possible that she is a horrible mother who would just go to a friend's party and just leave the child unattended if he did not take care of it. However I believe both you and him know that she is doing this to sabotage your happiness, and he is the one allowing this to happen.
Your only two choices are to either stay and leave. It will take him a major realization to change something as fundamental as what he is doing wrong, so if you stay you will have to put up with more of this.
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