A
male
age
30-35,
*ewms
writes:Hi I am a 17 year old junior in high school and I need help with a situation I’m having. This girl that I was dating for 3 months broke up with me because she said she just had a feeling. I really think that she did it because I liked this other girl and I told her I was over her but I still thought about her and I treated my gf like she was just one of my other friends. I have tried to forget about her but I really think I love her and I have one of my friends talking to her and trying to get her back for me. I really want her back and would like any advice anyone has to give.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): You are 17, you are young, you made a mistake. You learned something about relationships and how to treat those we care about. Dating in one's teens years is a the 'learning ground' for when you reach adulthood and have long-term, committed relationships. So don't be hard on yourself. Chalk it up to a life experience and make darned sure you aren't doing this because you are lonely. Because if you do it for this reason, then that's selfish and this would be only 'all about you'. A good relationship is about mutual respect, mutual givenness. But if you want to make it up to her by way of friendship then phone her up, meet with her and tell her face to face how much you are regretting what you did and sincerely apologize. It's important you begin to repair the damage caused by your youthful behaviors, firstly. Take it one step at a time. One can't say if she'll want to get back with you, but it's worth a try. However, don't expect instant miracles, as she may not be willing to take the risk on you, again. Just do this because you want to share a good quality, loving relationship with her. Don't do it if you just want to soothe your own neediness and loneliness. Because if you do this just for what you can get out of it...then you will be in effect, just using her as a comfort, a soothing balm. Make sure your intentions are honorable, dear. Goodluck,dear.
A
female
reader, Simple.Compassion +, writes (6 February 2007):
I would question myself in your situation. Break ups almost always leave you wanting to get back with that person because you're so used to being with them, talking to them, etc. but that doesn't always mean you should or actually even want to really be with them. People usually don't like change and want to go back to what it was before, and a breakup is definately a change.
Maybe you do really love her and want her back for that reason, but don't assume that. Ask yourself why exactly you want her back. Ask why you love her. Give yourself a real answer to these questions, and keep asking why. It'll help you understand yourself better.
Why were you treating her like a just a friend in the first place if you really love her that way?
How much do you love her? Maybe you'd rather have something more special with another person.
keep in mind sometimes its hard to tell if we really love someone romantically or if you actually just care about her like a friend.
You may also ask her to take some time and just the both of you talk it out, and honestly express your feelings and such about the breakup and what caused it, and how it made you feel.
Again, though, its easy to want to just go back to the way things were before because people are more comfortable that way.
Just try to figure out what you're really feeling and what you really want.
I hope this helps you. =D
~ Ria
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (6 February 2007):
 If you do really feel a lot for her then you could try sending her a big bunch of flowers with a teddy bear saying I love you! Tell her you've missed her so much and you now KNOW you're feelings for her run far deeper than you first thought.
Eve
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