A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Having just returned from France I met a nice english man and we were jsut friends,but because I have lost so much in my life and was bought up in an orphanage etc (NOT feeling sorry for myself just telling the truth) I did a stupid thing and told the man I loved him which of course is not really the case although I am fond of him, I do realise this is stupid and you dont have to tell me, and of course now he has gone right off me and said he never wants to see me again,before that we were ok, HOW can I retract what I said? is there anyway I can turn this round or say soemthing like I didnt mean I was IN love with him????I am not blaming the man just want to get things back to what they were-he isnt married he is divorced and can understand him wanting his freedom and playing the field and can see whay I frightened him off-however couldnt he have just said look Ill see me on HIS terms??? what can I do-even if he wants to stay jsut friends only - how can I realistically retract what I said???thanks
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I agree that you should be honest and tell him exactly how you feel, that your friendship is very valuable to you and that you wish you two would be able to go back to what you had, but I don't think you must retract what you said. Why would that make him so repulsed he never wants to see you again?
Maybe that was exactly what you felt in that moment when you said it. It doesn't mean that you can't take it that he doesn't feel the same, does it? Or maybe he does, and that is what is scaring him? I think he overreacted in any case. Good friends should be able to overcome an issue like this. My advice would be that you make another try to explain how much your friendship means to you, that the love you feel for him now is what you feel for a friend.
Best wishes, tell us how it goes!
A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I'd suggest that you try to explain to him that you have these Issues around the question of being alone, and that sometimes your mouth sort of goes into business for itself before your brain has a chance to really think things through. In other words, that you were very impulsive, driven by things in your past, and that you regret blurting out a "confession" of emotions that you really hadn't considered fully and didn't really feel at that point.
In other words, try honesty.
Ask him if you can't try to overlook this impulsive act on your part and just be friends again. Tell him that you are seriously NOT out to trap him or anything, that this was just an issue that you have that you are trying to overcome, and you would be very happy if the two of you could go back to having pleasant times together without any hint of deep emotional involvement.
It may not work, but I think it's more likely to work than just about anything else that you could try.
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