A
male
age
,
*urbyo
writes:My sister in law has been divorced from her disfunctial ex- husband for 8 years. She has been dating a Doctor who takes care of his daughter after his ex wife had to be put into alcohol rehab hospital for years. His life revolves arround his daughter--who he took to Paris for her graduation.They have "dated" for over 4 years ---and have nerver had sex or any romantic encounters.What should she do?They are both in their late 40's and she is very sweet and beautiful--I think she should move on--he may be gay.thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): So what if he is gay! He wouldn't be the only gay guy who married a female, and had children. I have two friends who were unknowingly married to 'gay' husbands. The marriages didn't work out for obvious reasons, but both men were awesome fathers and wonderful companions, even though the marriages in both cases, eventually became sexless. ! Or maybe this doctor bf has got sexual problems (erectile problems/impotency) or if not, maybe, they just want to date for companionship reasons, in a non sexual manner.
You sister in law is a mature, competent, adult lady. If after 4 years, she's baffled as to why they haven't taken it to the next step, then why can't she ask him? If it were me, red flags would be going up after 3-6 months and I would be making some rather bold queries. But that's me. Perhaps she is content being in a sexless 'friendship/dating arrangement' with this doctor?
If she wants to know why...maybe she could ask him? Something tells me if she has hung in there after 4 years, she knows the real reason already.
A
female
reader, cindy888 +, writes (11 June 2009):
There may be a reason she stays and her needs may not be the same as what you think her needs should be, you know? What you think and what we think isn't really relevent because it's up to her to do the thinking if she wants to. I've learned to stay out of other peoples lives unless they ask for my opinion and then I just give it once and let it go so I don't get dragged into things. It's up to them what they do with it. If she hasn't asked, don't offer.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (11 June 2009):
 Haha. Meet a good guy who doesn't take advantage of a woman, has an amazing career, and is a good father. What's your first assumption? He's gay? Shame on you. He might just be a good guy who is really busy. Ultimately it's up to her what she wants to do. She could definitely see something in him that you don't, simply because she is dating him and not you! It takes time to get to know someone. Especially seeing as she was divorced! Give the woman some space. As long as she's happy, she's not wasting time. She's a grown woman and she can make her own decisions. Just make sure that there's no harm, and she'll be fine.
You're a caring brother-in-law though. I'm jealous. Haha.
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