| A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes: Am I stupid or wrong if I think my boyfriend's fascination with "lesbians" is juvenile and stupid? I will admit I feel slightly insecure/inadequate, since of course to him these girls (who would have to be bi, he said...) would have to be hot for it to work. I feel kinda bad because I feel this is something I'll never be able to give him, obviously, I'll never be able to turn into two women to put up a show for him. I don't know, this fascination of his makes me feel like he can't be satisfied by just one woman (ie. me).Am I being stupid? I don't know but this just gets to me! I feel like such an idiot, since 99% of straight men are obsessed with two "hot" women having sex or making out. But I find it so juvenile and stupid. So perverted. Not like the nice, loving man he is when we make love, or just generally when he tells me "you're the only one I want" (yeah right!), this to me makes me look at him like a disgusting perv, sorry. Like he's sex obsessed and one woman to have sex with wasn't enough.How can I get over it? I feel like a stupid, jealous "witchy" girlfriend... he got upset since I told him how his fantasy made me feel. Mostly because I found out about this when we were with my sister's boyfriend and he said he had watched two girls kissing once and my boyfriend was like "Hmm, interesting" with a huge perverted grin in his face, in front of friends and my sister... but of course, all the men there were like "wow..." it didn't bother my sister 'cause she's bi (we were the only 2 girls there). I felt like an idiot for being the only one not turned on by that stupid story. I feel like a prude and the girlfriend no man wants to have since my boyfriend told me it's obvious men like two women kissing together (if they're bi), that every man would like an FMF threesome and that me being upset over something so trivial and normal is dumb.
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insecure, jealous, kissing, lesbian, threesome Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, strawberries  +, writes (11 February 2009):
I wouldn't let it make you feel like your no enough. A lot of guys that like the idea of lesbians (particularly lesbian porn) like it because watching other guys have sex makes them feel insignificant.The thing to remember about most male fantasies is that they are just that, fantasies and are thus uncomplicated by emotions at times this is an appeal for guys, and is usually completely seperate from their relationship.You are not alone in thinking it's childish. I read an article once which referred to the girls that act in lesbian porn as "powderpuff lesbians"Tell him how you feel, the bottom line is, no guy WORTH being with would consider you a prude for not liking the idea of lesbians, or i guess in this case being in a threesome
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Thanks for everyone's input, I know I'm being ridiculous, it's just that it makes me feel like both a prude and that I'm not enough. Most girls nowadays are into kissing other girls (so much that Katy Perry scored a hit with I Kissed a Girl and bunch of 15 year olds think it's like totally their song!) and I feel like a boring prude for not being into it. Like he'd prefer I was.
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A
female
reader, satindesire  +, writes (11 February 2009):
 It's just a harmless fantasy. Just think of how you would feel if he was acting like you are acting over one of your fantasies.
Give him a break. He's not cheating on you. He's done nothing wrong.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Its just a fantasy. Every human is entitled to them, and the majority of the time... they never involve our spouses.Get over it. You are makign a mountain of a molehill. Hell, its not even a molehill. It's a few grains of sand ontop of each other at best.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, questionablegrl +, writes (11 February 2009):
 I didn't even finish reading the entire thing, b/c i knew exactly what you are saying by the first paragraph.
I'm a bi-sexual. But i do NOT date both sexes at the same time. And i will NEVER EVER EVERRRRRRRR date a man, that would want me to "give him a show" with another girl.
If the guy loves me, cares for me, and wants to have a future, then he would want me to himself, and not share.
B/c him allowing u to have sex or do anything sexual with another woman- gives you every right to do the same thing with a man. [[& if he agrees with that, then i seriously hope you dump him.]]
Its normal for men to think its attractive, and i'm sure many men have fantasies. But..hes with you, and if he cares for you, then he wouldn't pressure you into it.
Maybe explain to him that you aren't that way, and you feel as if- its degrading, and almost cheating [[even if he agrees]]
You only share your body to someone that you care about [[i hope]], and you don't want to just show your body to ANYBODY. and he should cherish that, and want to keep it to himself.
If he argues or begs for your approval, then- sadly to say- this guy needs to be kicked out the door, Sweetie.
B/c if hes making it into THAT big of a deal, then he might go behind your back and fidn someone else that will.
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A
female
reader, Emajayne  +, writes (11 February 2009):
 I don't really get the lesbian fantasy either. My girl friends and i ponder the reason behind the madness and a few things we came up with over the course of a couple years was:
a) the men that want it are the ones that can't and never will get it.
b) it is something different and exotic. We should develope a tape of two guys kissing and show it to all men who think lesbian make-outs are hot and see what happens...
c) it is a way of making us (their girlfriends) feel jelous and 'step it up' or 'try something new.' When my ex got really vocal about porn and stuff i made him show me his favourite video. To be frank - it was taaaaame! TAAAME! A complete let down to the art that is pornography!
d) There is no adventure in something everyone who's everyone talks about. It is a form of CONFORMITY! Kind of like the gangsta fashion sense...
As for how u feel i have been there and done that and it really does suck loads. Don't feel that u aren't good enough for him because of his 'tastes' *cough cough, just be happy it is a fantasy, (and fantasies are perfectly normal and NATURAL) and not an indulgence.
He should be a little more considerate towards your feelings and maybe open up as to why he finds it so appealing. His comment about two hot chicks only being able to participate leads me to think he is only going by what he can see on the internet and nothing to do with reality. They aren't going to make porn videos of two morbidly obese extremely unfortunate looking girls attempting to get it on with a banana. For starters no one would watch and the damage would be irreversible.
From the sounds of it he is making harsh generalizations about men saying that every single guy likes a certain thing (when they don't)and u are putting yourself down. You are not the only one to think you are a prude and socially unacceptable and i can tell u with complete confidence that there are at least two people (u and i) on this earth that think this male obsession with two girls getting it on is strange.
You shouldn't discourage his likes and dislikes as there is nothing worse than a companion that puts u down for the person u are. Just accept it, and be sure to voice ur own opinions as well...but don't hurt his feelings. Stick up for urself and he should respect u for your opinions/ If he continues to be mean, he is not worth ur time. He should at least include u in his fantasies rather than just two professionally good looking females with fake names getting paid by the orgasm.
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