| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi there. Me and my bf love each other and we still have regular sex - about twice a week. We have been togther 17 months. We used to have sex A LOT, we were always at it and we have been quite kinky together too, experimenting with role palying and S and M. The thing is, I'm reading, on here partly, that men get bored of having sex with the same woman after time, and I am starting to sense this with him. The reason being that he does not always want to have sex with me now and it isnt as good as it was. We have also been trying for a baby so I think he feels pressured to come at times and it has taken the sponatneity out of the sex somewhat. I have been reading that a life of monogamy can kill a man's sex drive and I'd hate that to happen. We are planning to buy a house and have kids and I'm wondering if any man can really be monogamous for a lifetime AND be happy? I mean what should I do, how do we get it back, that thrill of having sex with each other? Any suggestions?
View related questions:
sex drive, trying for a baby Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello female anon. I hear what you are saying about having a baby but I am 39 this year and believe me, i hav ethought about this long and hard and if I dont do it now I never will.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): It sounds like the two of you are in a rough patch...are you sure you should be making a baby with this guy???? You mentioned that you have 'a lot of problems' in the relationship. Perhaps it would be wise to go to counseling, work on the relationship, get married then do the baby thing. I see that ur in your 30,s, but sometimes you have to think whether something is the right thing to do....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): I understand you think that my advice is gamey and dishonest....and it is
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Redanthea - he seems less bothered to have sex, I want it more than he does. He actually made a comment the other day that he only has sex with me because I want it! So things arent great at the moment. I think he thinks I just want to have sex to have a baby, but that is far from the truth.To uklifecoach. Maybe, that sounds abit 'Rulesy' to me, and gamey, and dishonest, but I know that kind of stuff works. Thing is, I worry that if I stopped making the effort we may stop doing it totally! It's true though; I am always available to him and I think he finds this a turn off. I can be quite needy too, plus we have had a lot of problems with our relationship so things have taken their toll a bit. I think he needs to get away with his friends. I've been encouraging him to do that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. I will think about what you have said. It's difficult to not focus on me getting pregnant, he is focused on it as much as me and we both have some fertiltiy issues and have been referred to the fertiltiy clinic so if we dont have sex regularly, they will not take us seriously. Not an easy time. Oh well.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): This could be an interesting read for you and I hope everything works out
reuniting.info
...............................
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 My wife and i went through a period where she felt the same way you did, back before we were married.
At that stage in our lives, i found that emotionally i wasn't entirely into the relationship. There was a lot of question as to whether our relationship would last, as she didn't like the area we were living in, and was ready to move, but i couldn't leave because i had a good job.
She did move, and we continued seeing each other but it was a rocky road. The sex would only be good if i was slightly drunk (according to her). We were literally 2 weeks away from me calling it quits when we found out she was pregnant.
That REALLY put a crimp in my desire for sex, as there was still question whether we'd wind up together.
Even when we eventually got together, she always left the door open that at some point she would want to move and at that stage i would either put up or shut up.
That lingering doubt always affected my ability and desire for sex.
It wasn't until, actually, the past 6 months when she FINALLY began accepting that this was where we were, and this was where we'd be staying (unless i found a better job elsewhere) that all that doubt was removed, and suddenly i have a thirst for sex again.
I never realized it at the time that it was affecting me so much, but the day she told me "I don't care where i am, as long as i am with you" just lifted a HUGE weight off our relationship.
It could very well be that he is feeling pressure to conceive, and as a result the sex is becoming more about mechanics and less about the spontaneity or passion, know what i mean?
Maybe you can kind of bring that thrill back in. That "out of the blue" sex. Don't talk about the baby. Just have sex when it feels right.. Trust me, the baby will happen.
Maybe it would help if you vocalized this to him. Let him know that there is absolutely no pressure.
I can tell you that, after this bump in the road, 8 years into our relationship, suddenly the sex is fresh and reinvigorated with my wife and i.
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 It is normal to have a "honeymoon period" when you have a new relationship. You just can not get enough of each other and want to try EVERYTHING.In 17 mos, you still have sex 2x a week, which sounds pretty normal and healthy. (According to most sex surveys married couples have sex 1-3x a week.) Do you want more sex or are you concerned that HE doesnt want as much as he used to?It is VERY common for couples who are trying to have a baby to feel sex is more like work than fun.It sounds like the best person to ask would be HIM. Ask him how he feels about the amount/quality of sex you are having and state what you would like. No couple is going to have perfectly matched sex drives and each person is going to have highs and lows.Best Wishes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): The thing to do is seem less available. which sounds wierd but men want what they cant get. Having sex with the same person gets boring when the other person makes it clear that they want it and they will do it with you whenever you want.
Thats why when you break up with a guy they then beg for you back and when you have sex its as passionate when you have first met.
...............................
|
