A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help, I think I am turning into some sort of idiot.I have been dating a guy for over four weeks now, and we have been on three wonderful dates. But its been a week since our last one. we talk/text email every day.We are both shy, and both quite busy with work.So far there has been little physical contact, bar a bit of hand holding and kisses on the cheek. I really like this guy, and would like to try and build this relationship. But we have only had three dates. Am I rushing it? Am I being too pushy? Wanting things too soon? Does he even like me?How soon before you become a couple? Im winding myself up about this a lot, getting quite paranoid that I am mis-reading things because of how I feel. There has been no mention yet of another date, so I am scared he has gone off me. But he still contacts me. Im very confused. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your help. Sadly it was too late.
He thinks I am a wonderful girl, and has feelings for me, but only wants to be friends.
To be honest, I am devastated.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (25 May 2009):
 Oh no you are not an idiot at all.
You may have answered your own question though in both of you are shy.
Actually in all honesty I find it sweet that you have been on 3 dates and this guy has only bunted instead of swinging for the fence! There is a lot to be said about that level of respect.
So you are a little shy. Best way to take care of that is simply be honest with him. look him in the eye, and ask him what he is looking for and where at this early stage does he see you two heading. But when you do it, do it in a somewhat placid setting (park,etc.)
That will put the onus on him to respond, and then you can go from there.
But of course in an emergency situation you can simply just jump his bones without saying a word. That also is a statement I guess...lol.
In all seriousness though, when you feel comfy enough to broach the subject, just do so. Maybe he is waiting for a "take charge woman".
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, Loopy14 +, writes (25 May 2009):
 By the sounds of things i think one of you just needs to bite the bullet and make the next move. My guess is that the guy is thinking exactly the same way as you are right now. Im not suggesting you get absolutely blootered or anything but perhaps you could cook him a meal and share a nice bottle of wine, that way you both wont be so uptight and u'll feel comfier getting closer and discussing your feelings. Let me know how it goes
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