A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused_123
writes:So I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months now and I'm happy. We have so much in common and were friends for about a year before we started going out. We've kissed abit but never really in private and only for about 10 seconds. I usually start it off with a quite peck and then he moves straght onto tongues and I feel like it's too quick. I've already made things clear about how quickly I'm prepared to go and that's VERY slowly. I don't want to lose my virginity until about 18 and all the stuff people already do at my age (15) scares me so I want to wait till I'm ready. He said he'd never do anything that I'm not ready for and was very understanding to me (he's 15 aswell) but I'm worried when we're alone and start making out that I'll freak out and upset him. He said he's okay but I always feel guilty about the slowness sinse he's got his friends getting blow jobs and more and then he's with me who gets scared by making out. Obviously I'm not going to do anything that makes me uncomfortable but I still feel bad. Why do I always want to move so slowly? Will I EVER be ready for all the over stuff in a realtionship? What to do?Thanks in advance-. x
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female
reader, slrbabes +, writes (25 May 2009):
 OKay so first of all, don't think you're the only one in the world who thinks like this. EVERYONE goes through this.
Secondly, about the kissing. You said:
"I usually start it off with a quite peck and then he moves straght onto tongues and I feel like it's too quick."
Chances are he's just as nervous as you are in looking like an idiot/getting it wrong/being a washing machine so does what he's seen in the movies!
Different people like different styles of kissing. My boyfriend enjoys throwing his tongue around my mouth, whereas i prefer little kisses most of the time, you just have to find a happy medium.
As for sex..don't assume for one thing that if you kiss your boyfriend in private for more than a certain amount of time you will automatically start having sex! And if this does lead to sex, then it means you are both ready. If you feel uncomfortable with the fact he might try it on, then explain to him and his wandering hands that although you enjoy spending time with him and want to kiss him, you are not ready for sex and you will let him know when you are.
And his friends receiving blowjobs? At the end of the day you are both 15 years old and if his friends are receiving blowjobs, then what does that say about their girlfriends?
You have set boundaries, he is still with you after he has set these boundaries, meaning he doesn't mind waiting, or he isnt ready either. If he crosses these boundaries without your permission then warn him. If he does it again, then find a new one!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): You may think you are moving slowly, but I don't believe that is the case. In my opinion, most people nowadays move way too FAST! So anyone who doesn't go at that pace will seem slow, when in fact, they are probably more sensible.
If you want to go slow, you go slow. Your boyfriend seems to be understanding about that, and that's a good thing. But try not to feel guilty about it. It shows a lot of maturity, self-respect, respect for your boyfriend...lots of positive things. And any person who tries to pressure someone else into going faster than they would like is not worth it anyway.
I do believe that you will be ready one day, but remember, you are still very young. I don't mean that in a patronizing way, I'm just saying that there is loooaaads of time for this kind of stuff to happen. So I would try to relax about it, and don't compare your relationship with the relationships of your boyfriend's friends.
Hope this helps. x
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A
female
reader, Loopy14 +, writes (25 May 2009):
 Sounds to me like you have your head firmly screwed on, good on you girl! If he doesnt stick around hes not worth your time. Theres so many girls your age taking things too fast in a desperate attempt to keep the guy interested and before they know it there either pregnant, have a bad name for themselves or have picked up a nasty sti. All things sex related should be planned out maturely in a loving relationship, there is nothing mature about having quick, meaningless fumbles here and there. Your taking the right route keeping things slow and you sound like a very mature girl for keeping to it. Don't give into peer pressure, years down the line you'll look back and regret it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): Yes you will, I was like this when I was younger and you will get over it. It takes time... for me it was an "in the moment" decision... I always told my boyfriend I didn't want to go fast until I was ready and he respected me and just let me call the shots... maybe you should tell him that. In a way your boyfriend might think it's kinda hot that you're the one in control. You can still make the relationship hot without having sex or giving him BJ's. Stick with making out and kissing eachother, you guys can still talk dirty, just because you're not having sex doesn't mean you can't talk about what you fantasize about. I hope that helps.
Stay safe and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): Don't worry about it. Just relax and enjoy your time with him. I think its good that you aren't swayed by those around you who are doing more and do wait until you have found the right person and you're ready.
Don't feel guilty about it. He wants you for who you are.
When you're ready, you're ready. I'm still not ready yet (I'm almost 17) but I'm happy to keep it that way for a while :) x
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