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female
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anonymous
writes:Im having a casual relationship with this man i met on the internet and a number of times after having sex he doesn't cuddle me for long and starts to quickly get dress and carry on with something else in his flat.Am i expecting too much in wanting him to be more intimate? or is it just his ways.I feel like im being used just for sex and nothing else.He doesn't ask about what i get up to during the weekend or my plans so i wonder whether he just see's me as a stop gap?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): run like hell. you can do better. he should be able to talk t you and care about you. just be happy to hold you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanxs Irish,well yes,he has telephoned me if i have gone out and didn't respond to his emails.He has asked about my future plans and what i want out of life but is that enough interest? Maybe not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): Hun, this may or may not change things. I have to ask why he emails you every day yet still takes no interest in other aspects of your life? Does he ask you what your hobbies/ interests are? Does he ask you about your life, your family, your goals and aspirations? Is he helpful, supportive..does he at least show compassion for you in other ways besides the emails? Having an ex ff that cheated on him may have given him some baggage and his emotional angst and commitments may be elsewhere. Possibly still with her. Is that still what you want? He definitely sounds like a man who is afraid of trusting and intimacy.
So he likes to email you several times a day. Does he telephone you to hear your voice? Guys that are into a woman, really love the sound of her voice. In fact they prefer that over e-mails. Dear, you've been dating just two months. This is time that the passion, the joy, the newness of a relationship really takes root. This is when there is that unrelenting happiness, and that old 'butterflies in the stomach' feeling. Do you think he's experiencing any of this with you? I would think if he wanted you, he would be acting like a guy who is really, really into you. A guy who can't be loving or cuddly because he fears being hurt means he's not trusting you, or even trying to build that. The emails could be his way of connecting but keeping his distance. It could also, be his way of stringing you along. After all, you are having sex with him and you are giving him what he wants...right? You have a lot to think about, dear. Look at the whole picture and all the signs. Think rationally. Just my opinion, dear. I could be wrong... but you have to decide, if he's worth it to you. It's you life and your heart on the line. Good luck, Take care and please be wise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): After two months, he should have gotten to know you better - and you him - to have some idea as to whether you are compatible or not. Being compatible can lead to real love. Love (as opposed to infatuation) takes time to develop. So no, this is not too soon to have some idea.
That he emails you "all day at work" - and why is he emailing you when he's supposed to be working, by the way? makes me doubt him - he could be making plans to go out with you on weekends or an evening, if he really wanted to.
He MAY be reluctant to get too intimate - but whether its because his ex cheated on him or not, or whether because he just wants sex is worth thinking about. Could be just an excuse.
Your relationship is one-sided. Its all about what HE wants, and never mind what you want. If you continue with him you'll find yourself giving in more and more, and getting unhappier as time goes on, and then very angry.
In short, trust your instincts! If you feel like he's using you, then you are correct. Don't let him continue to have sex on demand. Tell him "No" and insist on it. See if he changes. If he promises to, but doesn't, that will tell you something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk,i hear what your saying but he does email me all day long when he's at work but i think he might be scared to getting too close to me because his last girlfriend cheated on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): If you are still in doubt, I agree completely with Irish.
If A guy cares deeply for a women then the whole intimacy becomes far more than just sex - he is interested in kissing, cuddling, messing around and being very close with her both before and after sex happens.
Sorry to be so to the point but it doesn't sound like this guy cares nor respects you at all.
Like the others have said: If you feel you are being used then you most likely are. My thoughts... don't give this guy another chance to have his way with you... the longer your in this situation the more it will eat away at your own self-esteem and confidence. You stick it out too long and you'll end up thinking its normal behaviour when it comes to intimacy and that would make you just as bad as him. Good luck with whatever you choose to do :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i wouldn't expect him to being in love with me after 2 months though?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 January 2007):
 Irish is correct...Rule of thumb, if you think someone is taking advantage of you, they are. Put a nickel between your knees and see if he sticks around. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): Can I make an assumption here and guess this is a fairly new relationship? You are having sexual intercourse with a man on a casual basis and he's basically getting what he wants from you. It sounds like this is just sex to him and 'only sex'...nothing else. It holds no meaning to him. So I will say to you, you are wise to question his actions but rather naive to keep allowing it to happen. He is not being intimate because he doesn't have to be. He is getting what he wants and that is---his orgasms, on a regular basis. When a man truely cares deeply for a woman, he wants to snuggle and lounge in bed with her, after sex. Even the most harshest man is this way. It's amazing how being in love will change a cantankerous grizzly bear of a guy into a gentle pussycat. So no, there is no reason for him 'not' to be intimate other than the fact he simply doesn't care. If he also is not taking any interest in your life and your activities an, that is a big huge, blinking red flag. If you feel you are being used, then go with your instincts, hun. It means you likely are. Walk away and quit giving him what he wants. And if you ever get into a relationship again, keep your self-respect intact and don't be so willing to jump into bed, right off the bat. Make a man respect and honor you, for your integrity, for your awesomeness, for YOU. You are worth every bit of hard work and efforts he will have to do, to be in your life. Remember that.
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