A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think I might be afraid of commitment, but not for the usual reasons people have for fearing it.This morning my boyfriend (of 6 months or so) said for the 20th time that I can leave some clothes at his place. He normally leaves some at mine but I always go home in the morning if I stay at his. He went on to say it wasn't a serious commitment to leave a few clothes at his house. It got me wondering if I'm not making enough of a commitment to him (or at least, whether he thinks I'm not). I don't know why I never leave clothes at his house - it would make a lot of sense since we spend basically every night together. He's also brought up us moving in together a few times now and although I'd like to live with him, something's holding me back. I think I'm scared he'd change his mind or get sick of me. I've never lived with a guy before. My last boyfriend put me down a lot and made me feel I was "lucky" he stayed with me. I know he did that because he felt insecure and I also know my current boyfriend is completely different and is a wonderful, special person, but I still don't feel good enough for someone to truly want to be with me. At the same time I know my boyfriend has had his own string of bad luck in relationships and so I want to make commitments to him and make sure he is certain of my feelings for him, I just don't know how to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): I think you're over thinking things a little based on your past experiences. Just leave some clothes over at his place for practical reasons. He wants you to leave them there so you don't have to run off home to get changed etc and you can spend a little more time hanging around during the day.
It's not really a sign of commitment if you don't want it to be, but it can be small step towards showing him your relaxed and comfortable sharing a bit more of your life with him.
Just do what feels right, even if it is quite a scary thing the reward is totally worth the risk. Put simply holding back is not going to do any good, the only to move forward with him is to let go of those inhibitions and take a leap of faith.
A
female
reader, cooListic kid  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 I've felt like this so many times but, sometimes its the ONE person that can change you! The way you've talked about this guy, he seems like a sweet guy so if your not ready to move out together I'm sure he'd understand your not ready. I would just take it one step at a time, like leaving some clothes there and like you said you pretty much spend every night together so you must have some idea what it would be like to live together. iI'm sure everyone would react different to living with someone but we all have our ups and downs and i think if anything, this would make your relationship stronger and take it to another level even after a couple of months if you decide its straining your relationship you could always move out as for your ex boyfriend hes a dick! and I'm glad you've now found someone better. As i see it your boyfriend wont get sick of you if hes mentioned it a few times, he wants to be with you and wants to spend more time together if hes suggesting that! Most relationships i know of the girl tries to push the guy into moving out with them, so i would say this is a step up for male society. Sometimes is fun to throw yourself in the deep end and see what happens by the sounds of it you wont sink. I know it might be hard but don't be so hard on yourself we all deserve to be happy! Something new and different is fun and exciting, just don't push yourself into anything and communicate =)
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