A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my botfriend now for almost 3 years. we have been through alot of bad times, but good times as well. i have stayed with him all summer long so far..things are great..but i feel like he isnt showing me enough attention anmore. he plays guitar and LOVES playing video games and like when its time to go to bed..he dont even want me to kiss him any. he says he dont want to be bothered. im scared that out relationship might fall to peices. ive also gained ab 35 pounds during our relationship and when we fuss he calls me names regurding my weight...it hurtd me and he knows it. then when we make up he tells me thst im fine the way i am and im not fat. but also he never wants to have sex. idk. im worried. PLEASE help me out. i really need to know what to do.
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male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 I could think of about 3.2 billion guys who would like to know you. You do an enormous amount for him I doubt he would find another woman like you. Why do you do so much? It doesn't make sense that you would enslave yourself willingly like this as it creates an imbalance in the relationship and produces a slave master mentality which appears to have already occurred.Not allowing you to kiss him is a really big issue and is a reflection of loss of intimacy and saying that he doesn't want to be bothered has made this a very serious situation indeed, He has come to see you as more of a housekeeper then a girlfriend, actually its more like his mom has moved in with him. I think this issue is far more serious then the put downs (we will get to that later) but when you combine the two together it looks very bad indeed. The big thing is that you can't get him to love wanting to be kissed by you or so drawn to you that he can't wait to have sex. These things can't be made to happen and you can't talk someone into it. Talking to him might modify his behaviour but only temporarily and when he kisses you how will you know that he is doing it because he wants to and not because he has to. If it were me I would have to move out, he will chase you but if you go back what would make you think things would be so different. You are only 18 and you deserve someone who is crazy over you, who will help you make dinner and do the garden while you clean the house or help you fold the clothes after they have been ironed, You deserve someone who sends sms and emails to you because he can't stand to be away from you. The problems here seem serious enough to consider starting again, as hard as that may be but if not then you have a hard road to travel to sort this out but I just don't know how you can...I've never said that before.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionive gained weight bc of the birth control i was on. i cant take normal birth control bc of how by body responds to it...so i have to take a lower dossage and it normally makes u gain more. i have quit taking BC now for ab a year. im tall though. i mean i dont look fat at all. i have a lil pudge..but thats not too bad. he tells me he wants to marry me and everything but i just dont know how to respond when he is constantly calling me names. i love him with all of my heart though and i would never want to be w/o him..but sometimes i feel like i deserve better. i cook for him and clean for him..im almost 18 hes 21..i do alot of things for him that a wife does for her husband...we arent even engaged. i wash his clothes..and fold them. i cook. i even fix his plate and bring it to him. im sure there is someone that would love to have a girl like me..and im also sure that they wouldnt treat me the way he does. i just wish he would change bc he is the one for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Companionship is wonderful, but companionship with sex is even better.PLEASE go find yourself a friend that can't keep his hands off of you. Your boyfriend is cruel and insensitive, he is not making you happy, he does not care about your feelings. Your lost self esteem may take longer to find than a new boyfriend. There is someone out there for you, go and find him. Cut this one loose,walk away and don't turn back!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't care enough about your feelings. If a guy cares enough about a girl who's put on a few, he'll agonize over how to sugarcoat it so that her feelings won't get hurt or just not tell her, whereas your guy apparently goes for the jugular by cutting off physical intimacy and calling you names. I don't know too much about your relationship with him, but it seems like it can only get worse.
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A
male
reader, Your friend +, writes (14 July 2009):
Why did you gain so much weight, you have glossed over this but I think it is important so we can get the complete picture. as It appears that some big things have happened in your life recently and this needs to be addressed first.
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