A
female
age
36-40,
*lenfiddich
writes:A few months ago i was trying with my boyfriend for a baby, we have one already and i just wanted to have one more. We tried for a few months then i got pregnant. I was supposed to be happy and excited but i wasent, i felt scared and worrid about haveing another baby. My relationship was strained because we were argueing over money, stuiped things. I decided that i didnt want to have another baby by him so i had a termination. I regreated it from the start it still hurts me when i think how i was such a bitch. We continued to argue. And one day something in him snapped he started smashing up the kitchen throwing a big bin around shouting and swearing at me in front of my 18mnth daughter. i ran out of the house with no shoes on to the local shop. He came in saying he was going to drag me out by my throat and that i was a murderer, i phoned the police they did nothing. But he phoned my mum swearing at her and he told her about the abortion. She is a very religious person and what i did was a no no in her eyes, so in a moment of dispear i lied and said the baby had downs syndrome and it wasent normal. I wish i never said it because my doctor knows, and she knows its a lie. She made me feel guilty because he thinks there is something wrong with his gene pool. I dont know what to do, do i tell him the truth, that i lied or do i keep quiet. I want to leave this person because hes a moron and he dosent provide for the family in any way. I dont know what to do help .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): If you weren't going to include anyone in the decision to abort, you should have kept the whole thing to yourself. What's done is done.
At this point I think you'd be better off coming clean. You might as well while people are already upset. If you wait until people have come to terms and are feeling better, they'll be even more angry than they are now. You'll have less guilt and baggage to carry about and you'll know that people are coming to terms with the truth and any reconciliations are geniune.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 June 2011):
I am sorry you're going through this. You've got a lot going on, and it's time you stopped worrying about other people and worried about yourself instead.
First of all, an abortion is confidential, and you are under no obligation whatsoever to speak to anyone about it if you don't want to. It is absolutely your own choice and right to decide who needs to know, and what they need to know. In this case, you may have lied about what happened, but I don't think anyone else needs to know what has happened here. You had your reasons, and they are entirely your own. Also, as for your doctor knowing what happened, she is bound by law to keep your medical records entirely confidential, so there is no fear of her saying anything (she can and will lose her job if she does say anything). It's not acceptable that she made you feel guilty - that is not her job and you must take entirely no notice of her personal opinion whatsoever. I would also strongly recommend that you receive counselling for what has happened to you. You are not alone, and there are professionals who can talk to you, and who will listen to you and your story because they themselves have been through it.
Moving on to your boyfriend, I'd say it's become clear that he has got many issues, and that he is no longer worthy of your time or a place in your life. You have been through far too much with him to now have to put up with threats from him. He has to go.
As for your mother, hopefully she'll come to accept what has happened for your sake, her sake and the sake of your child. That may take time, but if she is religious, then she should understand that she has no right to judge you, and she should be reaching out to you at this time, even if it's something that is strained until you have both come to terms with what has happened.
So, get rid of this guy, get counselling and focus on your own life and your child.
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