A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently went to an all expense paid vacation at my uncle's. He paid for the airplane ticket, and everything. It was a great vacation and I was very happy. The most important thing is that this was his idea. He wanted to do this to help me because I'm goign trough a rough time. I took care of his house and pets for the ten days he went away to Europe with his gay partner. They gave me money, they let me borrow their cars, and left me with a blank check taht I didn't use (of course) The main provider of the house is his partner who has a very well paid job and he'd do anything for my uncle's happines. Anyway, while they were away I accidentaly erased some files on one of the many computers they have. Mostly my uncle's things. The dog-who's used to swim in the pool daily-pooped in the pool once for the first time in his life while I was with him. And also during those days the dog started vomiting a little for the first time in his life. All these things happened like strange curses to ruin my vacations. I couldn't believe it. I'm such a quiet, trustworthy person and these terrible things happened to me in those ten days while I was being so careful with everything. My uncle and partner are very easy going people (specially his partner) and I called him inmediately when the computer accident happened. When they got back my uncle acted as if everything was OK but later told me he was a little pissed off by the PC accident. I told him I understood he was mad and that I was sorry. I talked things with him and he told me he felt much better after he told me. Later he tried and he recovered a lot of the things I erased from the computer. The days went by OK but honestly I don't know my uncle very well. He is not the kind that answers emails quickly and I know that when I left he was starting to feel a little ill but I have written him two emails and hasn't replied back yet. I think this is rude because he has written to my mother (his sister) and called her twice since I got back. I live with her. He loves her dearly and I'm feeling kind of weird because I think he stills holds grudges against me because of the home videos that I erased accidentaly and I think that is a little inmature for a man of his age (45). I can't talk to my mother about my feelings because I don't want to ruin their relationship. I wrote an email to him when I got home from the trip and he never answered back. Three weeks have passed by and I wrote him another email and 2 days passed by and no answer. But he sent my mother an e-card today.(??) I don't understand.The other thing is that he knows I went there (his house) to see if I could get a job also because I've been unemployed for a long time now. I sent a lot of resumes and when the time to get back home was approaching he didn't say anything aboout me staying to find a job as family who really wants to help would do. Is not that I want everything but the job and not the vacation or his gifts is more important to me. I asked him to please tell me if someone calls for one of those jobs and I know for a fact they have called to his house and left messages and he hasn't told me. I feel he thinks I want to stay there until I get a job and live with them until I can support myself. I've never asked him for such a thing but I think he is either keeping resentment about what happened with the PC or the dog or thinks I might ask him for the mentioned favor. I have other family members in the same state who have welcomed me in their houses and he knows this so I don't know what's the big deal about it. Do you think he is still mad at me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): when you delete things they go to the recycle bin anyway. all those documents are probably just in there.
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 fair enough if he is still mad at you,some things kept on a pc can be important or personal and can not be gotten back. i dont think you should email him again i think that you should call him and try to resolve the situation apologising for the mistake. as for the dog - you didnt make him sick on purpose animals get sick just like people. explain to him that you dont expect anything from the two but you would like to maintain a good relationship with them. i think you are over worrying a little as it was an innocent mistake. if he cant accept your apologies then he is just being immature and only time will remedy this.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 In all honesty Yes.
They may have been very important to him and somethings you can never get back again.
But you have said how sorry you were and there's not a lot more you can do.
I would Email him again telling him how bad you feel, not only at what you did but also how it is effecting your relationship with him and his partner.
Tell him you intend to support yourself and get your own plac,e but would love to go and see them if they would let you.
Dont forget they are gay!! so are very Sensitive people.
Dont worry it will blow over, its not a hanging offence yet is it?.
Take care
XX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): I think you are being a bit paranoid and intense, but don't panic, everyone does that sometimes so chill, it is OK. When I wrote that did you immediately think badly of yourself? That is telling me that you are a real worrier and now worrying about worrying.
Your uncle could have any number of issues to deal with and may it come as a shock to know that you may not be at the centre of them? I do not honestly think that the incident with the dog and the files is much in the picture. It sounds as though he may be going through something himself and why should he not contact his sister about it? If you add you into the equation, maybe he does not have the energy to support someone who needs from him like you do, maybe he needs all his energy for himself for some reason at the moment. If I were you I would say once only to my Mum to that I was worried about whether I had upset him because if so did not mean to and been worrying about it too much. I am sure she will reassure you. The let it go, stop obsessing and wipe it out of your mind. If he does feel a bit pressured you could offer to help, but if this is not accepted just let it go. Your sharp need for reassurance is out of kilter and I think you may spend too much time worrying about what other people think of you. Am I right? I have been telling people recently that they should try going on line to a website called moodgym. It will put your thinking straight and make you feel much better about yourself. It is fascinating. If you put as much effort into that as you do into worrying you will be a good student! Try not to worry so much.
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