| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Me and my ex boyfriend split up 3 years ago and I still cannot get over him.I've been with other men, but in the back of my mind it's always him.We still talk, and lately he's told me he still has feelings for me, but then after telling me he ignored me for about a month. I'm not sure what I should do
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female
reader, audie  +, writes (23 March 2009):
 if you still want him in your life then let him know and take it from there. but if you feel you really want him out of your system you need to let him go. avoid all contact coz seeing him and talking to him will always make it painful. it wont be easy but u'll get used to not having him around.
A
male
reader, melvinm  +, writes (23 March 2009):
It can be a very daunting task to move on.The more you try to move on the more memories pour in and you get entangled and worse we start comparing all the present partners to the old one which makes situation worse.Distraction and focus is the key, make a plan of what is really important to you in life and every time emotions run high on feelings for him , distract yourself by doing something fun ( beware of rebound relationship though)like what was advised in a comment above.
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A
female
reader, HollyHeartbreak  +, writes (23 March 2009):
 Okay first thing you need to do to get him out of your head is to not talk to him.
I know this feeling,whenever I used to talk to my ex my heart just used to break in two but when I decided to walk away it was like it was mended again.
So the best way is to lead a life not including him,it seems like when you talk to him its a constant reminder of what you used to have but if you end up getting back with him it'll take you even longer than it would to get over him.
Best of luck sweetie
x
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A
male
reader, digger11  +, writes (23 March 2009):
you cant get over him because he never really left,
you keep talking, and its obviously not working.
start a new life that doesn't include him in it,
its the only way you will be truly free of your ex and past relationship
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A
male
reader, Jason means Healer +, writes (23 March 2009):
You are obviously a passionate person and I know how that can hurt.Imagine passion as a little camp fire out some place in a forest.Then imagine also a little cloud; lets call it emotional cool sitting above the fire, raining gently down and keeping the flames from getting out of control.The word "obsession" means "continuously before your face" so in your thoughts too much...Consider also that how ever right this person was for you, you couldn't definitely say there wasn't an even more righter simply because you haven't met every boy/man?Even so, I'd say your still in love and my heart goes out to you, it's surely a tough one.It can take two, three or more years to get over the loss of someone you care about and in that time you begin to grow another "bough" to your tree so that you can live again.It's to your credit that you can continue to love for this long and that shows there is a depth to your character which could one day see you in another long term relationship if this fella is unsalvagable.Keep an open mind about who's out there, but who knows? perhaps he was the best, certainly I'm not gonna speak evil of the fella.But, if he doesn't feel the same way then it's unrequited (unreturned) love and that is a whole big pride issue which is, sad to say; one of life's growing stages and serious enough for you to take some time out to heal.I had a real bad case of that myself once (many other people also) but it didn't stop me from going on to meet the most wonderful girl, falling in love with her and getting married and having a lovely family.Talk to other people about people they have loved who haven't loved them back and you'll probably find it's both more common than you realise and only to real when your going through it.My heart goes out to you.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (23 March 2009):
Try to focus on building your own wonderful life. Plan to do things with friends. Take a class. Make a list of things you've always wanted to do in your life and try to start doing them. Get busy.
If that doesn't work and you still find yourself obsessing about him, then you can try what I call the "Scarlett O'Hara" technique. If you have ever watched the movie "Gone with the Wind", whenever Scarlett O'Hara is upset, she tells herself, I can't think about that now, I'll think about that later. So what I do when I catch myself obsessing, is I actually schedule a TIME to obsess. I tell myself "I can't think about that now, but I will think about it tonight from 8 pm - 8:30. Then I sit down and totally let myself obsess for 1/2 hour. I go for it - I play all the old songs and look at the pictures etc. and write down all my thoughts about him... but only for 1/2 hour. Then I make sure and go do something else. It's like sticking to a diet -- you know you can go all day without cheating if you know you are getting chocolate cake for dessert! :-)
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Luaris +, writes (23 March 2009):
 He ignored you to test out your feelings toward him! Tell him you like him back, tell him youve always kept him in mind, ask him out.
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