A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I would be very grateful to get ladies view on this issue. I am a woman in my forties and very attractive, I started internet dating, I put on my profile that I take time to get to know someone and till I have feelings for them I do not have sex with them. I need to love someone before I take the next step. I have also said that I am not into casual relationship or flings or one night stands.I am looking for relationship.However, I meet men and they want to stick their tongue into my mine the very first day, I always no, if they do not force themselves on me.some have surprised me and just stuck their tongue into my mouth. I find this very bad manners.When I have refused to see them and they ask why I tell them about their behaviour they tell me to grow up. Some say I liked you so much I could not resist you. However, I stick to my values and principles, I do not care what they say, I will only kiss a guy so intimately when I have feelings for him, and I know that it is going to be a proper relationship.I have been told this is 21 century and I should move on with time. am I wrong not to accept this behaviour from men?I believe a relationship is also built on trust and if a guy kisses me first day, how many more girls does he kiss.. Please assure me that I am right, or if you think I am wrong. A guy who kisses me or tries to kiss me does not get second date with me. I really do not think that I am so irresistable that they lose themselves, I think they do it to all girls they meet.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): Of course, men will tell you anything to get their way with you.ANd to blame a woman for their behavour its an awfull approach.
You are entitled to stick to your principles whatever they are. And yours are very much legitimate. Unfortunately most men are like the ones you ve met. They go on those sites just to get laid
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): I am the writer of this article. the answer to anutie perhapsnot. Thank you perhapsnot for writing to me.
No, I do not kiss them, I told them no, but couple of times they forced themselves on me. I am in my forties and not a child (I am happy to give a kiss on the cheek, I thought that's what they would do, as it says on my profile). Iam not an easy person, I do not engage in sexual activities, I learnt the hard way and I learnt how to protect myself. I shall not date any more and I will delete my profile. It is not my fault, they kiss me, I do not get drunk. I say good bye to them in public. once they have been on lips I have objected, do not kiss them back, I tell them to back off. I think I may not made myself clear in my first article.I but try being in my position someone unexpectedly forces its tongue? I am only 155cm, women are not responsible for being sexually assaulted nor are for being raped.
I meet in public places. I never go to anyone's work or house.
I do not go out so no I do not meet people in public places and internet is now one way of meeting, (I prefer meeting through friends). Internet sometimes it works, I was watching strictly kosher and the rabbi met future wife on internet.
I have only gone on internet dating a month ago, I think it is not for me so yes, I will delete my profile.
Thanks again for your advice.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Hi
I think its more down to the dating site your using, the other women on there are clearly saying they want a relationship, then having sex on the first or second date.The majority must be, or the men your meeting wouldn't be expecting the same from you.
Sadly the men online think as a whole,women online are 'up for it' or desperate and they try their luck.So when a good looking woman agrees to meet up they think its party time.
Change sites to one you pay for,a good one, if your seriously looking.Be VERY selective who you meet.Talk for a while,get to know them,get a 'feel' for whether they are genuine.
Do not change though, if you don't want a tongue down your throat then thats the way it is. A peck on the cheek is all thats needed on a first meet.If you dont want sex till your in love,thats your perogative too.
So, dress down when you go, wear something casual, jeans and top or a dress with flat shoes.Be open but not flirty, your there to see if you want a proper date next, if theyre decent they'll respect you and wait.They will get to know you,ask for a 2nd meet and so on without the groping.These men are rare so take your time and work through the frogs. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Paula4u +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Stick to your guns, and most sites I looked at the men are there for just playing around. Read the profile well, there are some nice men on line. Do you research and chat first before meeting them. I would advice that at the first meeting you have already made sure the guy isnot married.
If they are honest and genuine they will be keen to meet and share telephone numbers etc and even home addresses or at least they tell a lot about themselfs before meeting them, about work, their days, their past (that may give you warning signals) Dating on line does work but use the internet for your research and double check make sure he isnot a cheater. There are so many of them.
As for instant kissing and more.............. No way if the guy is the right kind he will respect you for your principles. Good luck it isnot easy in the UK finding a decent guy.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 I just have to ask this: if you don't want to kiss on the first date, how is it that men are shoving their tongues in your mouth? No man can kiss much less shove their tongue down your throat if you turn your head away, or tells them to stop, unless they are quite literally forcing themselves on you. So in a sense, I am not following your story.
"I always no, if they do not force themselves on me."
Again, I am not quite following you here. So you say no, unless they force themselves on you? If your online dates are forcing themselves on you, I don't think your values are the important thing here - it would be your safety and your poor choices in dates. Maybe it would be more beneficial if you leave the internet dating scene altogether. If you are attractive, you shouldn't have issues meeting and attracting men in real life. Then you could get a better sense of who they are. Creeps and shitty people tend to give themselves away pretty quickly. It's a safer bet than reading words, or listening to someone on the phone, or Skype.
If on the other hand, you are persuaded to kiss them, or pressured into kissing them because you're trying to be nice, or you're easily manipulated, then you can only blame yourself. If a man has pressured you into kissing them and you gave in because you're not strong willed, then that is something that you need to work on. You will need to strengthen your resolve, your responses and your confidence. No one will take you seriously if you can be pushed around, or much worse, you can end up raped or dead.
"I stick to my values and principles, I do not care what they say, I will only kiss a guy so intimately when I have feelings for him, and I know that it is going to be a proper relationship......Please assure me that I am right, or if you think I am wrong."
If you want to stick to your values and beliefs, why are you asking us to confirm and support it? I am not sure why you would need assurance in this if your preferences are as strong as you claim them to be. I suggest you start working on your confidence, as I don't see much here.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (28 June 2012):
 I think you are within your rights to stick to your principles.
After all, you HAVE stated in your profile that you are not into casual sex, one night stands and you want to take the time to get to know a person first. It's out there; haven't they read your profile? - or do they choose not to believe you?
Talk of "not being able to resist you" and "this is the 21st century, grow up" is rude and disrespectful. I would not agree to a second date either, when someone behaves like that!
If a man wanted to kiss me on the cheek on the first date, that would be alright - but that would be as far as it would go until we were better acquainted.......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): Good for you. I completely agreee.If there is a mutual attraction and these men are really looking for the same thing, they will take things slow so you both can get to know each other. I don't know what site you are using, but make sure it's not one of those trashy free ones because they really are just for slut pick ups. Very rarely do I hear of anyone finding a man of substance on them, for any real relationship...you can easily tell by looking at the kind of pictures women are posting of themselves and what they are "offering". Anyway, there ARE good men out there and unfortunately, even at your age, you have to kiss a lot of frogs (oh, no pun intended lol) before you find them.I could appreciate a man giving me a kiss on the cheek goodnight or a small peck on the lips if there was an attraction, but I would also take a step back if someone was THAT aggressive after having a first meeting date.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (28 June 2012):
 If you feel your doing the right thing by yourself by having values and principles; then your not wrong.
Your doing the right thing for YOU, and thats always the best choice.
Sincerely, if your wishing to meet a good, decent, respectable man he would not be shoving his tongue down your throat on the first date; he'd try his best to get to know you.
I say stand by your values; and dont settle for anything less than what you deserve which is the best.
Goodluck
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