A
female
age
41-50,
*ustdontknow
writes:I did a google search to see if I could find some answers to something that's been bothering me. I am 8 months pregnant, and my husband told me last night that he had been looking at porn again. We have an open relationship, and really don't keep secrets. But, it hurt me so bad that I stayed up almost all night plotting revenge... rehearsing things that I would tell him when he got home. (He has a job where he's only home every other week.) So, it's not like I'm there with him, able to satisfy him. I just want to know, why does it hurt so bad? Why does it feel like he's cheating? Also - here's the kicker... I look at porn. So, talk about a hypocrite, I guess.. I dunno. But I look at it - online and on DVDs, when he's gone for a week, but when he does it, I feel like, "How dare he?" Help me, please... I'm ready for the bashing.
View related questions:
porn, revenge Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, justdontknow +, writes (9 February 2010):
justdontknow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses. In response to VeinGal, yes, I've told him how I feel, and he's told me that if it bothers me that much, he'll stop. He tells me all the time that he finds me sexy, but I just don't believe him. I guess I need to work on me, huh? When he's home from work, he tries to have sex, but I feel like he's just doing it out of pity - to show me that he still wants me. And, part of me thinks that while we're having sex, he has to think of other women. I have absolutely nothing to back that up - just insecurities. As a matter of fact, when we are together, he never lasts over 10 minutes, so maybe that's a good thing.. I dunno. Part of me thinks - just wait until I have this baby and lose this baby weight! I'm going to have men wanting me again, and it'll be too late for you, bud! I know that's not right... but I really don't like feeling 2nd best.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 February 2010):
Well first of all you have recognized that there isn't a thing you can do since you watch it yourself, which is a good thing. I guess you feel bad because you just want to the only woman he sees as attractive. What you have to remember is that he sees porn as you do. It's just a quick thrill that means nothing. That's all you need to remember.
...............................
A
female
reader, VeinGal +, writes (9 February 2010):
I think what you need to remember is that his looking at porn really has nothing to do with his feelings for you. And I doubt it has to do with your pregnancy either. This is a very male thing (though, of course women look to). Men who are in serious committed relationships still look at porn and they still masturbate to images of other women. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you with all his heart, or that he wants someone else, or that he's not attracted to you.
Have you spoken to him about how you feel? Because a lot of times it helps just to get what your feeling out so you aren't holding it inside. Explain to him, in a none attacking way, that you are somewhat hurt by his habit. Then, ask yourself why this bothers you so much? Is it because you don't feel your getting enough attention and time from him? Because if you feel like he's replacing you with porn (which is ALMOST NEVER the actual case), tell him that! A lot of men are afraid to have sex with a woman whose so far along in their pregnancy, if your still interested in having sex with him, tell him. And reassure him that it's perfectly healthy and not dangerous. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff guys think. It's up to us to advocate for ourselves and let them know whats really going on!
What you need to know also is that while his porn watching is 100% normal and not necessarily indicative of something bad, it's still okay for you to feel hurt. And it's still okay for you to feel hurt even if you watch porn to! You should not be so hard on yourself. We can't help the way we feel.
Anyways, my biggest suggestion is to open up a dialogue with your husband, again in a non attacking gentle tone. Tell him how you feel, what you want etc. It's possible that all you really need is to let eachother know how you feel.
...............................
|
