A
male
age
36-40,
*llz
writes:hey guys. basically i split up with my first love because she moved away to uni and it has been over 2 months now and i still cant stop crying. she was the one good thing in my life and now i've been left to try and rebuild myself. i gave up most of my friends for her, spent all my money on her and failed uni because i kept driving to see her. she leads a perfect little life and im now feeling rubbish because i just keep letting things get me down. it was my 21st last week and i spent it in bed crying because i just feel that i have nothin good in my life. i stopped contacting her now cos it was getting me down but thats just makes me lonely. ive been seeing a counsellor and taken anxiety medication but still find myself crying every 2/3 days.im gettin sick of it now and would like any advice anyone has to offer me please p.s. i still think she loves me
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (24 May 2008):
 time is the greastest healer, you have to give your heart sometime to deal with this. i remember i cried for 1 month when no one was their even though it was me who split with him. one day you will meet the girl of your dreams and you will be so happy. you know some say fate has a part to play in life, but sometimes you have to make it happen yourself, so you have to go out into the world and make things happen for you ie something good. but give yourself sometime to deal and move on with this. rome wasnt built in day. i know its hard but were all here for you to help you with this so dont feel alone..try and stay positive through this i know its hard but it helps as i said try and focus on things that make you happy and im glad ure family have been supportive through this.. hope this helps aphex
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Poor lad! Time is indeed on your side. You're going through a grieving process and 2 months is not a long time to be still in pain.
It's a good first step that you are talking to a counselor. Try to rebuild a little of your life-- choose a couple of small but achievable goals, like calling up a couple of your old friends and going out. Or a goal of focusing 20 minutes on getting a new job or getting back to school.
Sometimes traveling to some place completely new helps-- any chance you could take a working vacation to some new town or country where you have no memories of this girl at all?
Almost everybody goes through something like this-- I've been on both ends... my poor ex-boyfriend went crazy for half a year I'm told. But then the next year it was my turn to have my heart broken by another man... staggering around, barely able to see out of my eyes. Eventually I recovered, eventually found my real own true love, and have been happily married for almost 10 years. Ex-boyfriend is also fine, married a lovely woman and has 2 little girls same age as my kids (we exchange a card every Christmas.)
These things will happen. You'll survive.
Hang in there!
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A
male
reader, Ellz +, writes (24 May 2008):
Ellz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your advice. i have been trying to do that but i still find myself crying when i get lonely or when something goes wrong for me. i just want to be able to see at least one thing on the horizon that will make me feel better but nothing seems to work. the break-up was unbelievably hard and was dragged over about 6 weeks. i feel like ive taken an emotional beating and would like something nice to happen lol. my family have been so good and have really made the effort for me but yet i still feel like i just have nothing going for me.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (24 May 2008):
you did right giving up contact with her. that means you now have time to yourself to get yourself sorted out..its never easy seperating from anyone, atleast of all your first love..but when it happened to me you just have to pick yourself up and move forward, can you make back the friendships you lost with your friends ? can u redo uni? or is their another course you want done ? is their any hobbies you enjoy? i used to take my dog for a walk. most of all i talked to my family about it they helped me alot. i focused my self on what i needed to do ie college, work, dog, friends all these things kept me busy that within 2 months i felt so much better you still hurt but with time it will heal and you will be a stronger person.. thats my opinion aphex x
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