A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just now I deleted and blocked all my bf's account on fb and smart phone IMs. I can't stop crying. We didn't break up officially but we were heading there and this weekend I just let go of the rope where I am clinging on it's end. I have loved him for 4 years and could honestly say he loved me back but in the last 3 days, he never contacted me about his whereabouts but was nice enough to respond to my messages with smileys and short messages. He is bound to marry someone else from his community in his country late this year and even though I hear him and see him fight with the woman, he always tells me he hates her and wished he could please his parents in some other ways than marrying her. We haven't seen each other for 2 weeks and even though we have plans that we might see each other one of these days, I don't want to rely anymore on that plan. He just keeps me updated about himself and sends me messages like there is no issue at all about the 2 of us. But for the last 3 days he has been acting cold and pretending that he is still there for me. I am so sick and tired of this roller coaster emotions. So i sent him my last message to tell him goodbye and that it's because our relationship is turning out to be a one-way street, I cannot be always there to feed his ego. And then I blocked him and deleted him in all!Can someone please comfort me? I am so depressed and I am crying as I type this post. How can I stick to my decision with my head high up? I will see many difficult days from now on until I move on.
View related questions:
depressed, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2014): Four years was longer than some marriages, so of course you're going to be heartsick.
The emotions are raw; because this is the beginning of the detachment process. The source that made the brain release endorphins is now taken from you; thus the withdrawal begins. Like a baby weaned from nursing, you will cry and demand that your soothing comfort be returned to you.
People don't realize how psychologically complicated the process of detachment from a loved-one can be. They think they should just be able to shake it off. There are people who can.
Resilience begins when you realize the finality of the situation. As with the passing of a spouse or relative. You recover because the subconscious surrenders. It is accepted the loss is final, and that person is not coming back.
False-hope or any remote possibility that we feel someone could return, will prolong the grief of loss.
It...is...agony.
Peace will come to your heart, my dear. The pain you feel is also a little anger; because you feel helpless. Powerless. Frustrated that he didn't defy his parents.
No no no! That is torture to the soul. You don't do that to yourself. You don't create defiant scenarios and visions of elaborate turns of events. Frustration is a voraciously hungry creature, and you can never feed it enough. The lingering chats, and messages were all titillating and teasing at your sensitivities. Doing you more harm to good.
You were brave and strong. Time is the only healer, and you just ride with emotions. You have to pull yourself out of it, or it will try to take control. Fighting lessons the severity and decreases your susceptibility to depression. So you do have to come up for air.
Time to see your mother. You need her arms, and you need comfort. That will tide you over when the waves hit you.
Gather your closest friends. They also help fill the void.
Take the first several days just for yourself. Just call someone to talk to, to lift your spirits.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 January 2014):
 First up GOOD FOR YOU. You NEEDED to block him and cut him out of your life.
I know certain cultures don't give their grown children much choice in marriage, but.. I also believe that ANY parent from ANY culture want their kids happy. So for him to claim he has no choice to marry her, I doubt it a little.
Anyways, back to you.
Take some time to mourn the loss of the relationship and your now former partner. I would pack up things that remind you of him. Spend time with family and friends. Go out and DO things. And DON'T let yourself second guess your choice. YOU did make the right choice for YOU.
Keep a journal and write down if you start to feel sad, there will be times where friends and family aren't available to listen to you vent. So a journal is a good thing to have.
He made his choice to marry her - you made yours to NOT play second fiddle.
You will eventually get over him. Give yourself some time.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 January 2014):
 This will be a difficult time for you but you need to remain strong. You deserve to be more than the other woman and if you where so important to him he would not marry this girl and be with you. I know that this is hard to accept but there are no excuses. You done the right thing by deleting him from your life. Well done. Now you need to keep up the no contact rule in order to get over him and get on with your life.
Start by keeping yourself busy and active. Go out walking or other sports. Take up new hobbies or interests. Spend time with friends and talk to them if you are feeling depressed about the end of your relationship. Go on nights out and have fun just keep busy and active and you will soon get over your ex. Yes it will be hard work but it will only get better, you can do it.
...............................
|
