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male
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*ackyl
writes: I recently caught my girlfriend going through my text messages. What does this mean? We have had a decent relationship with no major issues..why would she be doing this? Does she not trust me or maybe has she been doing something wrong and trying to find something to mess with me about?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2006): she's either not trusting you or feeling insecure ... or both.
i've been with my bf two years; we broke up for a few months for a while in the middle. at different points in our relationship, i've habitually looked through his texts and call lists. i wasn't always doing it sneakily -- a lot of time i'd do it right in front of him; i wasn't trying to violate his trust. but it was always b/c either i wasn't trusting him or was feeling particularly insecure. when we were semi-broken up, he met a girl one night. he told me about it a few weeks later and swore that nothing happened other than kissing. we'd just had a big fight, and he had every right to be really upset; i could completely understand why he would have done what he did. but i felt completely betrayed and it took me a really long time to get over that. i checked his phone for months after that. but things have gotten better, partly through him reassuring me and just being honest and time healing all wounds and partly through me getting a grip on myself and just forcing myself to remember to learn how to trust him.
talking to your gf isn't a bad idea, but try to do it in a non-confrontational way if you don't want to start a big fight. alternatively, don't even bother mentioning the texts and just sit her down and ask her how things are between the two of you. it may be the opportunity she needs to open up to you about whatever's been bothering her. remember that her feelings aren't necessarily your "fault", but it's kind of you to look out for them, since you care about her.
A
female
reader, howtocope +, writes (5 December 2006):
I check my b/f's phone all the time, for no reason at all. It doesnt give me satifaction and Im not look for anything in particular. I trust him 100 % in our relationship. It is just a habit I have.
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A
female
reader, marie78 +, writes (5 December 2006):
She's insecure about something- perhaps your behavior has changed and she's become worried. Women do things like that when you're not assuring them of their place in your heart. make her dinner or do something special for her-spend time with her, and I'm sure she'll stop doing these things- unless she's psycho!
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A
female
reader, Yolanda +, writes (4 December 2006):
I have started going through my mans e-mails because I have found out he lies to me.. I would suggest that you do all that you can to make her feel secure and loved .. If you care enough about her dont be too bothered it will pass .. after all you have nothing to hide do you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): I go through the guy im seeing text messages all the time. One, cuz i know he talks to other girls so i'm curious about wut he/they are sayin to each other. Two, cuz im nosey. Three, cuz i want to make sure that he's not playin me. Even if he weren't playin me ill still look through them cuz women are nosey and even if u ask us not to, were gonna snoop around. Hell, she prolly goes through ur call list too and if she knows any passwords, she'll check that to. Ur best bet is to just be honest with her so she wont feel the urge to sneak around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): This can be because she is curious, or maybe during a group outting with the girls, her friends started talking, and this might have influenced her to look through your texts, maybe she is insecure, maybe she's been wondering about that new girl that's at your work place, or maybe...
Just tons of stuff. Best way to know, is to ask her directly. No point in beating around the bush and asking strangers about something easily known through just open communication.
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A
female
reader, Lolly3 +, writes (4 December 2006):
I have been with my fella for 3 years. I always go through his phone and he hates it. Thing is, I have found things I wish I had never seen and it is spliting us up.
I think it is a girl thing, we just like to be nosey!! Its a shame that I found what I did!!
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