A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up my boyfriend of 10 and a half months about 2 months ago. I was totally in love with him and it broke my heart. I've been trying to get over it, but it's been really hard. Last night I went out with a guy I knew from before and it started out really fun...we just talked for a couple hours and I fully intended to just keep it on the "just friends" level, but we ended up making out. I thought I liked him enough after talking to him for so long for it to be ok with me, but I hated it. He's a really nice guy, I just couldn't stop myself from wishing it was my ex and I knew it was a bad idea. How do I tell him I think it was a mistake without hurting him? I just feel terrible because I broke up with my ex because I thought he was using me and I feel like I just used this guy to get over him. I'm just not that into him...or over my ex. I feel like I won't ever be attracted to anyone else again.
View related questions:
broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): You cannot make out with someone else to rid yourself of feelings for someone you love, it just doesn't work like that. Yes it hurts like hell when you break up with someone you love, some times to the point of physical illness, but you have to GO THROUGH IT, NOT run, hide or try to bury it.
We are meant to feel these things, that's why mother nature gave us emotions, although most people want to deny them, and move from A to Z as though the person they LOVE never existed, or should be obliterated from this planet. That is why you are now confused, because you have tried to MOVE ON too quickly, when you're NOT ready to move on yet.
I'm afraid you can't wrap this guy up in cotton wool, like he must never be rejected, or he won't be able to cope with it...Just tell him nicely, tell him you're still hung up on your ex, tell him the truth. He may well be hurt, but it's life, and he will get over it and go on to meet someone ready to have a relationship with him.
You've not been having a relationship for two years with him, it was one night, and I'm sure in a few days he will have moved on.
And YES you will be attracted to someone else - but don't rush it, what's the hurry. Allow yourself to heal first, so when you do meet a nice guy you can give him 100% instead of just using him block someone else out, and that never works.
Really hope you start to feel better soon...gosh it's tough I know, I've been there, so I do understand!
Jilly
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (6 September 2010):
Well it's nice that you're actually concerned about not hurting the guy's feelings. Most girls would do the following: wait for him to contact you, tell him "sorry, I'm really busy," and repeat until it's painfully obvious that you're not interested. First of all, you can just wait and see if he wants to get together with you again. It's possible he won't even contact you. If he does, you can tell him the truth: you're not over your ex. Regardless, you can take comfort in the fact that you will not be the first or the last woman to send him mixed signals and confuse the hell out of him.
...............................
|
